Morgendorf

I'm back.

2010-08-21T11:26:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! I'm back. School is back in session, and with it, so is this blog... hopefully!

Here are a few pictures of my house... that I said I'd put up a looooong time ago:

Living Room:

More to come!

Peace,

Kelly

Decision.

2010-07-27T23:45:00.001-07:00

I'm going to call them meat fits.

sidenote.

2010-07-27T23:42:00.001-07:00

AND IT WASN'T EVEN WORTH IT.

I SINNED. Big time.

2010-07-27T23:40:00.000-07:00

Tonight, after singing "Fever" by Peggy Lee at the Living Room Lounge (karaoke night), I told my boyfriend I was hungry. We ended up driving through the Hardee's line at 2:15 in the morning and somehow I ended up eating a BACON CHEESEBURGER.

Not only that, but when I got home I raided the fridge and attempted to eat some leftover sausage gravy... REAL LEGITIMATE sausage gravy (and a warmed biscuit) that I made for guests after the party.... and I definitely ate some.

I'm awful. I'm a hypocrite.

I still want a pet pig.

Peace,

Kelly

Please! I need a favor!

2010-07-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

First, I'm sorry I've been so absent. I just had my housewarming party this past weekend and I finally feel like I can get back into the swing of things. My house officially feels like a home now, and while there will always be a to do list for it, I can now breathe a bit more and enjoy the house rather than stress about fixing it up to present it to the public.

I will show pictures soon of the improvements I made to the house!

Now on to the main point of this entry: Could all of you do me a huge favor?

Kohl's is running a campaign called Kohl's Cares. They will award $500,000 to 20 schools, and all that needs to happen is for the schools to get votes in order to be rewarded the money. I ask this of you:

1.Get out there and VOTE for George Washington Community School in Indianapolis, Indiana.

2. PLEASE spread the word on your personal blogs.

I'm sure you are asking why, and my answer is this: out of the kindness of your hearts.

I've taught at George Washington for two years now, and was also a student-teacher there during my last semester at Indiana University. From the beginning, I saw how much heart there was in the school, and how much the west side Indianapolis community depends on the school for support, guidance, and success. If the school succeeds, the community succeeds... and that is how the cycle will continue if we are able to get funding to support programs that really guide the students to better goals and opportunities.

The school has been around for generations, but closed in the 90s when crime and drugs overtook the neighborhood, and the economic situation of the west side of Indianapolis declined immensely. After it closed, the community rallied together, and as a result, the school was reopened in the early 2000s as a "Community School."

What is a community school, you ask? The Coalition for Community Schools defines it best:

A community school is both a place and a set of partnerships between the school and other community resources. Its integrated focus on academics, health and social services, youth and community development and community engagement leads to improved student learning, stronger families and healthier communities. Schools become centers of the community and are open to everyone – all day, every day, evenings and weekends.

Using public schools as hubs, community schools bring together many partners to offer a range of supports and opportunities to children, youth, families and communities.

Our school is now connected directly with more than 50 organizations throughout Indianapolis that support the school in multiple ways. In order to keep this going and growing, we need financial support.

My goal is to turn the Learning Center at GW into a fully up-to-date resource for any student who needs guidance with homework or other academic goals. Besides updating the center with the latest technology and resources, we could also use the money to hire tutors around the clock who could be available to students in the community from 7 am to 7 pm Monday through Friday.

The students of this community need this more than ever. 93% of our students qualify for free or reduced lunch, revealing that the average socio-economic status of the neighborhood is very low. Our graduation rate within four years still waivers at the 50% line.

The students are responding positively to the programs offered, and we need you help to keep the programs from dwindling away. I want the opposite to happen... I want them to grow and grow and grow.

How cool would it be if people from all walks of life decided to pitch in and help these kids? I'd love you, and so would they.

So please... give GW your votes!!!! And spread the word!

Craigslist rocks.

2010-07-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

Just got a couch delivered that I found on craigslist. I absolutely love it. It's vintage, it's comfy, it's curvy, and I got an awesome deal on it. I'll eventually give it a makeover, but it's cute enough to pass in its current state for the housewarming party. I'm in love!

Peace,

Kelly

Summer Hermit

2010-07-09T19:11:00.000-07:00

Remember when it was winter and I was complaining that the reason I wasn't going outside is because it was too cold? I'm beginning to think that was just an excuse. I am too caught up in stuff and way too distracted by the computer. I left the house once today, and that was to go to the post office.

So I'm going out. Now!

Peace,

Kelly

Indy Fab Food #1: Yats

2010-06-29T12:14:00.000-07:00

I've decided to take a break from talking about my house and start talking about another thing I can't ever get off my mind: food.

I love where I live, and it's time to show off reasons why I'm proud of Indianapolis. I also want to be a better supporter of local businesses and restaurants, and that is my goal with the new "Indy Fab Food" column. Here it goes.

Indy Fab Food #1: Yats

Yats is a small Cajun Creole chain with four locations in central Indiana. The environment is bright, festive, and very New Orleans. Each Yats has a daily blackboard menu featuring a variety of gumbos, etoufees, and creoles. My favorite, the chili cheese etoufee, is always in popular demand... so it's on the board every day. It has just enough spice and makes my mouth water at the thought of it.

Besides being completely delicious, the BEST thing about this restaurant is the amount of food you get for the price. You can get a full order of your choice for under $6.00, and it's not a meager amount. Each order also comes with a side of buttered bread--perfect for soaking up the last bits of the meal. Can't decide what you want? You can also do a half-and-half deal and pleasure your palate with two of the blackboard options at once.

Are you a vegetarian? No worries. There are always a couple veggie options on the menu, as well as seafood for the pescetarians out there (...like me! The chili cheese etoufee comes with scrumptious crawfish).

My new house is only a ten minute drive from Mass Ave (a.k.a. Massachusetts Avenue), where one of the Yats locations happens to be. I got some today. Mmmmmmm.

Coming to Indy? Keep Yats in mind.

Happy eating,

Kelly

Magic Mom.

2010-06-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

I don't know how my mom does it all. She's awesome. Here's her recent blog entry:

http://seshat-houseofbooks.blogspot.com/

Peace,

Kelly

Old and new.

2010-06-12T13:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I rented a U-Haul and moved all the large furniture to the new house. Everything else can fit in the car with a few trips, or in one trip if I borrow my parents' van. Soooo close. I will OFFICIALLY be moved out this week. Goodbye renting, hello owning!

I haven't slept there yet, but when I do I think I'm going to pop open the bubbly that my realtor gave me as a gift, sit on my front porch, and enjoy the new pretty place I can call home.

And THEN I have to get ready for the housewarming. I've scheduled it for Saturday, July 24th... and it will help to have a deadline so I feel a bit of pressure in getting things completed. The floors are done, the living room is painted, the dining room needs another layer of paint, and the kitchen needs another layer as well as a cabinet makeover with paint. I also will be renailing the quarter-round to the baseboards, and then repainting the them because when I stained the floors I got a bit sloppy on the edges. After that, I need to repaint the vents and sand down and stain the one for the dining room. After THAT I get to decorate... that's the best part!

I'm not even going to worry too much about the yard for the housewarming party. It is going to my project next summer, I think. Yes, I'm going to pull weeds and clean it up a bit, but as for the big yard makeover... that can wait.

As for furniture, I'm temporarily borrowing some pieces from my sister so 1) she doesn't have to put them in storage and 2) I can wait on buying everything now. I have her kitchen table and chairs, a small two-seater sofa for the sunroom, and her bed frame. My grandma is now living with my parents, so I got a side table of her's, and a sofa-bed that we will put in the office. We'll turn that room into a bedroom for hosting international students from IUPUI (as long as everything goes well) because it will give us $500 extra a month!

I'm going to search for a corner sectional for the living room in a beige color (I'll accent with pillows, etc.). I looked online for a rug today and found a massive discount on an 8' round white flokati rug. Flokati rugs are made from natural wool, and this one looks so cozy for bare feet, and will add a bit of whimsy in my living room. Here is a sample of what a flokati rug looks like (mine will be round):

I also have been looking out for a vintage-looking chandelier that I can repaint and hang in the living room. Here is one I found on craigslist, and I'll be picking it up this week. I will remove the shades permanently, and repaint the entire chandelier (probably the blue accent color I'm using in contrast with the orange walls):

The more I pick out what I want, the more I discover this whimsical, quirky side of my personality. This is the first time I'll be able to really show it completely. Owning is so much better than renting... DO IT!

Be back soon.

Peace,
Kelly

Selflessness vs. Selfishness

2010-06-01T10:00:00.000-07:00

Lately I've had a major battle with myself, and some of the people around me have been pulled into it.

I don't know how much selfishness is appropriate, and I don't know how selfless I can be without getting walked on. Or, is it right to let myself get walked on? How much is too much, on either side of the equation?

I grew up afraid to ever do anything wrong or make anyone mad. I also grew up Catholic. I didn't even take God's name in vain until 7th grade on the playground, and I remember thinking that a bolt of lightening was going to come down and kill me at that very moment. Besides having this constant fear of breaking the rules, I also convinced myself that I was not as important as anyone else.

There is a quote in the Bible that states, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Phillipines 2:3). Basically, I grew up thinking that if I ever did something out of my own selfishness that I was 1) a horrible person, 2) I would go to Hell. Plus, I ingrained an idea into my mind that to this day is hard to get out: Everyone else is better and more deserving than I am. On the rare occasion that I did speak up or do something for myself, I'd immediately beat myself up mentally and pray constantly for forgiveness... until I felt I had punished myself enough.

I'm not sitting here blaming my Catholic upbringing. I loved my upbringing and I loved my school and I loved my childhood. My former religion was not the sole influence in my life, but it was one of many. For whatever reason, a combination of factors led me to the childhood belief that it was better to shut-up, be quiet, and not cause a fuss... whether or not I was hurt or screwed over in the process.

But now it's gone to the other extreme, and I feel like lately I've been too selfish in my thoughts and actions. Or am I just paranoid? I DON'T KNOW!

I've rebelled so much against the idea of doing everything for everyone else, that I've become so attentive and watchful when someone doesn't go out of their way to do something for me. It's awful, and it's turning me bitter. As much as I try not to, I practically keep a points system in my head that keeps track of how much my boyfriend does for me and how much I do for him. It's not healthy to think that way... but at the same time, in past relationships I didn't ever speak up enough and pretty much let the other people take complete control of the relationship and the definition of it.

I don't want that again, but I also don't want to be walked on again. So how do I find a happy medium? I want to be confident, strong in my convictions, proud of who I am, and treated with respect... but at the same time I still NEVER want to hurt anyone else and NEVER want to cause problems. That is the issue right there.

I think I have to accept that if I stick to my guns and be who I want to be, there will be some people who don't like it. I have to accept that, but that is the hardest part. I hate hurting other people, and I hate having enemies.

Several times in my life I've said to myself, "Screw it! You will have enemies and that is a part of life. Be yourself, be respectful, but be strong." It lasts for maybe a week or a month, and then I go back to apologizing for too many things and staying out of debates for fear of offending someone.

I seem to go between two extremes that keep going back and forth: Super-defensive-watching-her-back-doing-only-what-she-wants-Kelly vs. Super-compliant-apologetic-forgiving-peacemaker-Kelly.

Maybe I just think too much. Maybe I should just listen to this guy:

"Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anways." - Elbert Hubbard.

Peace,
Kelly

Doin' stuff.

2010-05-17T19:19:00.000-07:00

I know... where have I been, right? Doing stuff. Lots and lots of stuff, and having lots and lots of moods, and I decided that I'd take a break from this little place.

I have six days of school left: Tuesday-Thursday this week, and then Monday-Wednesday next week, and the kids go home on Tuesday. Super close, and ready for summer!

I'll get my energy back when next week roles around. In the mean time, I decided I'd like to post this article written by Elizabeth Gilbert in O magazine. I stumbled across it tonight, after beating myself up again for a number of things I think I should be better at, and it made me feel better. I promise you'll hear more from me when all the school crazyness wraps up. In the meantime, read this:

Nearly all the women I know are stressing themselves sick over the pathological fear that they simply aren't doing enough with their lives. Which is crazy—absolutely flat-out bananas—because the women I know do a lot, and they do it well. My cousin Sarah, for instance, is earning her master's degree in international relations, while simultaneously working for a nonprofit that builds playgrounds at woefully underfunded public schools. Kate is staying home and raising the two most enchanting children I've ever met—while also working on a cookbook. Donna is producing Hollywood blockbusters; Stacy is running a London bank; Polly just launched an artisanal bakery...

By all rights, every one of these clever, inventive women should be radiant with self-satisfaction. Instead, they twitch with near-constant doubt, somehow worrying that they are failing at life. Sarah worries that she should be traveling around the world instead of committing to a master's degree. Kate worries that she's wasting her education by staying home with her kids. Donna worries that she's endangering her marriage by working such long hours. Stacy worries that the capitalistic world of banking is murdering her creativity. Polly worries that her artisanal bakery might not be quite capitalistic enough. All of them worry that they need to lose 10 pounds.

It's terribly frustrating for me to witness this endless second-guessing. The problem is, I do it, too. Despite having written five books, I worry that I have not written the right kinds of books, or that perhaps I have dedicated too much of my life to writing, and have therefore neglected other aspects of my being. (Like, I could really stand to lose 10 pounds.)

So here's what I want to know: Can we lighten up a little?

As we head into this next decade, can we draft a joint resolution to drop the crazy-making expectation that we must all be perfect friends and perfect mothers and perfect workers and perfect lovers with perfect bodies who dedicate ourselves to charity and grow our own organic vegetables, at the same time that we run corporations and stand on our heads while playing the guitar with our feet?

When I look at my life and the lives of my female friends these days—with our dizzying number of opportunities and talents—I sometimes feel as though we are all mice in a giant experimental maze, scurrying around frantically, trying to find our way through. But maybe there's a good historical reason for all this overwhelming confusion. We don't have centuries of educated, autonomous female role models to imitate here (there were no women quite like us until very recently), so nobody has given us a map. As a result, we each race forth blindly into this new maze of limitless options. And the risks are steep. We make mistakes. We take sharp turns, hoping to stumble on an open path, only to bump into dead-end walls and have to back up and start all over again. We push mysterious levers, hoping to earn a reward, only to learn—whoops, that was a suffering button!

To make matters even more stressful, we constantly measure ourselves against each other's progress, which is a truly dreadful habit. My sister, Catherine, told me recently about a conversation she'd had with a sweet neighbor who—after watching Catherine spend an afternoon organizing a scavenger hunt for all the local kids—said sadly, "You're such a better mother than I will ever be." At which point, my sister grabbed her friend's hands and said, "Please. Let's not do this to each other, okay?"

No, seriously—please. Let's not.

Because it breaks my heart to know that so many amazing women are waking up at 3 o'clock in the morning and abusing themselves for not having gone to art school, or for not having learned to speak French, or for not having organized the neighborhood scavenger hunt. I fear that—if we continue this mad quest for perfection—we will all end up as stressed-out and jumpy as those stray cats who live in Dumpsters behind Chinese restaurants, forever scavenging for scraps of survival while pulling out their own hair in hypervigilant anxiety.

So let's drop it, maybe?

Let's just anticipate that we (all of us) will disappoint ourselves somehow in the decade to come. Go ahead and let it happen. Let somebody else be a better mother than you for one afternoon. Let somebody else go to art school. Let somebody else have a happy marriage, while you foolishly pick the wrong guy. (Hell, I've done it; it's survivable.) While you're at it, take the wrong job. Move to the wrong city. Lose your temper in front of the boss, quit training for that marathon, wolf down a truckload of cupcakes the day after you start your diet. Blow it all catastrophically, in fact, and then start over with good cheer. This is what we all must learn to do, for this is how maps get charted—by taking wrong turns that lead to surprising passageways that open into spectacularly unexpected new worlds. So just march on. Future generations will thank you—trust me—for showing the way, for beating brave new footpaths out of wonky old mistakes.

Fall flat on your face if you must, but please, for the sake of us all, do not stop.

Map your own life.

Elizabeth Gilbert is the author of Eat, Pray, Love and Committed (both Viking).

This article was taken from here.

Hope it made you chill out. It helped me.

Peace,

Kelly

Bright.

2010-05-04T17:50:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I started painting the walls of my house! When I moved in they were very neutral colors, and I definitely wanted to brighten the whole place up.

I'm really not afraid of color... in fact, I crave it. You'll be able to tell in the before & after pictures below.

Living Room BEFORE:

Living Room AFTER:

Dining Room BEFORE:

Dining Room AFTER (Haven't removed the tape yet):

Kitchen BEFORE:

Kitchen AFTER (not fully painted yet):

Also, here are what my floors look like now, close up:

Before this, they were all scratched up. I sanded them down and then stained them.

And just to make you jealous (tee-hee-hee) here is a picture I took of my house when the daffodils popped up:

Still loving it!!!

Peace,

Kelly

My wordle.

2010-04-27T21:01:00.000-07:00

According to Wordle, this is a graphic representation of the common words that appear in my blog (more common = bigger size):

I love that some of the biggest words on the page are get, want, feel, think, and know. They are all verbs that I use often, probably because, pretty much... I want to be all-knowing and in control, all the time.

I want to GET, as in understand, my world completely. I know this is pretty much impossible, but I still set it as an unrealistic goal.

I WANT constantly. I want to be happy, I want to understand, I want to be wanted, I want-I want-I want. I guess I didn't realize I was so needy.

I THINK and FEEL constantly. My inner thoughts are the driving force behind who I am and how I act.

And of course, I also want to KNOW everything. And this is another unrealistic goal of mine.

It's interesting to see a visual of my reflections. I think, overall, it's telling me that I'm spending too much time thinking about the things I want for my future (what I want, what I'll get, what I think and feel about it, what I'll know) instead of focusing on the present.

Hopefully, if I work on it, in a year from now this jumble of words will be more active and positive. We'll see.

Peace,

Kelly

Testing.

2010-04-26T19:01:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow my students take the second portion of the ISTEP. If you're not from Indiana, you're probably not familiar with the term. ISTEP = Indiana Statewide Testing for Educational Progress. In other words, BLEEEEGH (puke noise).

Middle school students take this test, along with practice "scrimmage" quizzes all through the year to prep for the test. Last week, they also took an SRI (Scholastic Reading Inventory) test which measures their reading improvement. When they get to high school, they will take quarterly "benchmark" tests that also measure their progress with the standards each quarter, along with the GQE (Graduation Qualifying Exam) and of course the SAT and ACT when applying to college. Also, high school students who stay in our after school program have to take a TABE test (Test of Adult Basic Education) at the beginning, middle, and end of the year.

Aaaaaah! Can you imagine? I agree that some sort of standardized testing is the easiest way to measure the progress of a large amount of people quickly and efficiently. However, I cannot help but sympathize with some of my students when they make comments about feeling more like statistics or numbers than people. The last thing I want is for them to leave school feeling like they were just sent through some sort of factory assembly line.

And that's why my goal as a teacher is to not just teach facts, but teach my students how to think for themselves and use their intelligence as sources of power and influence in their lives. I want them to know that it is wonderful to be curious and wonderful to ask questions. I want them to recognize their potential by discovering new perspectives and challenging their original views of the world. I want them to realize the excitement that can come as a result of learning new information. I want learning to be FUN.

Yes, I have a ways to go. I'm only in my second year of teaching, and I already can see how passionate teachers can burn out fast due to the many challenges we face every day. In schools like mine, many students don't know how to be consistent and dedicated because they've never seen an adult who fits those descriptions. Some don't know that education is a reward because they come from a line of family members who has never seen it that way. It's tough, and in my second year I've already had to remind myself that it's going to always be difficult, but that it's worth it if I can even get a few students to find something exciting in what I teach them.

I hope that most of the teachers in our country feel this way. There is a lot of pressure put on us to show good results on these tests, and sometimes the pressure gets so fierce that we forget why we became teachers in the first place. Yes, it's important for them to know this information, but we also have to remember that we are shaping the minds of growing human beings, and that takes more than the memorization of facts.

I guess what I'm saying is that I hope educators remember that although there is standardized testing which measures all our students on the same plane, each individual child needs to be given attention and taught how to see his or herself as one person with a lot of brain power.

Does this make sense?

I didn't realize this would turn into such a preachy post, but I think I stepped up on a pedestal at some point without realizing it. I want to clarify that I am a new teacher, still learning. I am not nearly perfect, and there are many, many improvements to make before I become the teacher I want to be. But these are the foundations for why I do what I do, and I hope many people in my position feel the same way.

Thanks for listening.

Peace,

Kelly

Guffaw.

2010-04-20T20:06:00.000-07:00

I love the word "guffaw." I haven't used it in awhile, but right now I'm doing a unit on comedy with my 8th grade English class, and it came up. I love it. Every time I say it or write it, I can't help but think of Goofy.

And as fate would have it, the very first video that popped up tonight when I went to search for an example of Goofy's laughter was actually an old short cartoon called "Teachers Are People."

How hilariously coincidental. Later on in this post I was planning on talking about how I need to bring more humor into everything, especially into my job. I find myself taking it way too seriously, even when we are studying comedy! I get so wrapped up in the plans and the deadlines that I forget that school also needs to be enjoyed.

This clip made me laugh, and also made me realize that I am definitely not the only teacher in history to feel completely frazzled and helpless on certain days. This clip in particular is a very accurate summary of my first year experience with teaching:

Oh Teacher Goofy, you are not alone. I think this might be a perfect clip to show to my students so I can illustrate how humor is often created out of the everyday problems we experience in our lives. Think they'd get it? (By the way, I also love how much they used to get away with in cartoons: grenades, weapons in the pockets of children, kids blowing up schools... you wouldn't see that today. Old cartoons are the best.)

Anyhoo, as a part of the unit, my students have been narrowing down what they consider to be their own sense of humor. I've decided I'm going to do that, too. So, in a much more uplifting post compared to my recent ones, here is a list of things that make me laugh:

Old cartoons and Goofy. - See above.
The faces people make at themselves in mirrors when they think no one is looking. - Dyke sucks in his cheeks and then denies that he was doing it. I catch him every time.
Jazz hands in unfitting situations. - I have a group of kids I hang out with after school, and now every time we greet each other and say goodbye we fade away from each other with jazz hands (also known as "spirit fingers"). It's pretty random and great.
Funny words. - Examples: guffaw, poot, burp, pickle loaf.
Retro pictures. - I was a particularly fat, large-headed child who always looked confused. Note the close-up Easter picture below:

(If ANYONE told my mom, "Oh, your baby is so cute!" I'm sure they were thinking something different.

I look like I'm going to eat someone.)

Embarrassing moments - These of course are always more humorous after the fact...like, when a boy accidently pulled down my stirrup leggings in 3rd grade when he was trying to get past me on the slide. DON'T MESS WITH THE STIRRUP LEGGINGS. Those things were fierce. I think he realized his mistake when he was suddenly facing my bare ass.
Laughter out of complete desperation - This is the best type of laughter. It's when you are so exhausted and out of energy that all you can do is throw your hands in the air and let the ridiculousness of it all take over. In 8th grade, my friend Ryan and I had just finished writing the graduation speech when something happened and the entire thing was deleted. We were at school late working on it, and my mom was upstairs in her classroom doing paperwork. We were so helpless at that point that we went crazy and started acting out a scary movie in the hallways, and then running outside to the parking lot and jumping around in a downpour of rain. All while laughing of course. THAT was the best.

I've experienced a lot of laughter in my life, and I experience a little more every day. I'm very lucky. I'll have to add more to this list later because it was a lot of fun. Until then, adios.

By the way, what the hell is Goofy supposed to be anyway?

Peace,

Kelly

Weekend update.

2010-04-17T07:18:00.000-07:00

I've successfully sanded the floors of my house and today I am hoping to stain them! I gave myself three weekends to do it, and this is the second, so I'm way ahead of schedule. If I get all the staining done today, I bet I can seal it all up tomorrow. So.. if any of you have doubted whether or not you could pull off a project like this, know you can, because I was able to. I am NOT very handy, but this was very manageable.

I forgot to take my camera with me to get some before shots, but I have a few past pictures I took when I first was looking at the house. I'll post them up here soon so you can see what it was pre-sand, after being sanded, and then the completed process.

I've scheduled a "painting party" on May 1st and have invited any friends who like home projects. I'm hoping to have all the paint picked out by then, and it will be fun to blast music in the house, provide snacks and drinks, and get my house bright and colorful.

I still don't think it has fully hit me that I OWN this house. I keep thinking it will, but until I move my bed in and sleep there the first night, not sure if it's going to feel like mine.

Other updates...

My boyfriend is going to chef school! He'll be attending the Art Institute of Indianapolis, classes start in late summer. I know this is going to be a perfect fit for him, and a perfect fit for me because I LOVE FOOD. I bet it will be a battle being a vegetarian though, because I'm sure he'll learn all about the "proteins" of dishes and a lot will probably involve meat of some kind. I'm going to rely on him to make creative alternatives for me so I can try them as he learns his skills.

It sounds like a really great program because they apply everything directly to the chef career and restaurant management. The math and English classes all gear towards how you would use those skills as a chef. We toured the building and it's very cool, and they even have a student-run restaurant where they can practice their skills.

Other updates...

So I went to someone about my anxiety/depression issues. Last year I hit some really low points and was crying practically every day, so I ended up being recommended for Lexapro. I've always been reluctant about medicating myself, but like I said in an earlier post, there is no reason why I shouldn't give these problems as much weight and importance as any other physical ailment. I am pro-medication if someone reaches a point in their life when everything is negatively affected by their thought processes, and every day activities become unmanageable and stressful. That was the point I was at. In the mornings, driving to school, my chest would physically hurt from the stress I was feeling and I would feel my heart pounding through my chest. It was awful.

So, yes, I took Lexapro, and it helped me immensely. In general, everything in my life felt more manageable. Without it, something bad would happen and I would immediately get into a mindset of thinking about every other things going wrong in my life. But on the medicine, I didn't overthink the issue and was more rational. I was able to step back and say, "Okay, that wasn't the best, but so what." I didn't take things so personally and in general, was more carefree. I felt more like myself.

You are probably wondering why I stopped. Well, after the first school year ended, and summer came, I did want to see if I'd be okay if I wasn't in the daily work environment. As much as I wanted to give in to the idea of taking a pill to change my brain, I still didn't want to have to rely on something to do that for me. I'm stubborn, so I stopped taking it. Also, as much as it made me feel better, it wasn't helping my relationship. They say some people get the side effect of being less touchy-feely, and in general being less interested in the physical aspects of a relationship. I was, and it was frustrating.

So I stopped taking it. I weened off of it, and for awhile I think I was okay. But after awhile, I noticed the things coming out of my mouth were more negative than positive. I noticed myself whining more, and being more defensive. Dyke and I fought more, and some of it was the fact that I took things way too personally, and also held things in and then they'd explode out of me and make a big mess. I wanted to deny it, I kept telling myself I was strong enough to control my thought processes and change my emotions. But I eventually realized that it was no longer negatively affecting me, but affecting the people I cared about. I didn't want that to happen.

But I didn't want to go the same route I'd taken before, because of the side effects. Recently, a family member of mine went in and found out they had the characteristics of Adult ADD. My dad heard about it and told me he thought I should get assessed. He says he's seen me have the characteristics all my life, through my constant forgetting, the continuous rush I have in doing anything in front of me, the procrastination, and the anxiety I get when all of it becomes too much.

I went in and talked to someone, and when I go through a list like that, and when I actually talk about how I live, it really does sound exhausting. He asked me if I was able to relax, and really, not very often. Yes, I take breaks, and yes, I sit on my arse and do nothing, but my mind is never at rest, even when I'm doing that. I can only relax if there is absolutely nothing on my to do list, which is rare. I always feel guilty about it. He said, "That must be exhausting." It is.

I played Devil's Advocate when I was in his office, and asked him, "Well, how can I be super efficient at school, and be successful and organized and get things done... but when I get home, nothing is organized and I get overwhelmed with the daily tasks outside of my job?" He said it's because of pressure and motivation. I'm always feeling the pressure to get things done at work, I've always got that adrenaline pumping and there is always a task to do that very moment. At home, that rush is not the same. Keeping up with the mundane tasks is never in-the-moment necessity, and I completely falter when it comes to doing something when it's not of immediate importance.

Again, I'll be Devil's Advocate. I totally understand why there a number of people reading this that think, well, Kelly, I'm like that too. No one likes the mundane tasks, and everyone feels pressure at work. I get grumpy and take it out on people too, we all do that. And yes, I understand that. But again, if it gets to a point where it is holding you back from living your life, and holding you back from feeling like the YOU you know you could be if you only felt better, then I've decided I support medical treatment.

The family member who told me about the Adult ADD told me the other day over breakfast, "Kelly, ever since I got treated for this I haven't been depressed a single moment." Because the medication calms him down, he's able to focus more and complete things without that need for the rush. Because he's able to complete things more, he's less stressed. Because he's less stressed, he's less depressed. The connection with Adult ADD and depression is clear, because anxiety is a catalyst for depression.

So I'm trying an Adult ADD treatment: Adderall. It's a small dose, and I'm going to see how it goes. They say that you can tell if it's working right if you feel normal, and not jittery or rushed to do things. Those who do not actually have ADD symptoms will get jittery because it's an overdose of amphetamine. If it works right, I should feel more calm and myself than anything. If I feel out of my element, and off, I'll know it's not for me.

I'll keep you updated on how it goes.

Also, I know there are some of you who may still be reluctant about the idea of medication... seeing it as the "easy way out" and an unnatural, inorganic option. And part of me will always feel that way I think, but I think most of it is stubbornness. I need to admit that I need outside help... and I do. Really, it's about individual choice. So I ask that you support me through this process and not condemn me for relying on something other than myself to make my life more enjoyable and manageable.

Thanks for reading this ginormous long email. Love you all!

Peace,

Kelly

Blog Swap!

2010-04-13T20:03:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone. I'm Nic, from The Music Plays You. 20 Something Bloggers has put on a blog swap, and I was the one chosen to swap with Kelly. The theme for this swap was "The best part about being a blogger..."

... well, for me, I'd have to say that my favorite part is the FREEDOM.

I've been writing for a good portion of my life, and gave it up almost completely when I entered college. Sure, I'd have the occasional paper to do, but is that really "writing" to many of us? I'd argue no, personally.

To me, true writing isn't something that has to be thought about, but rather just flows from the creative centers in our mind straight through our fingers, either onto paper or the keyboards that we type on.

This goes along almost perfectly with what Kelly submitted for my blog. She talked about the release that bloggers experience, the rush and the high that comes with being able to fully express oneself at last. Sure, you could write many of those things into a journal and get the same sort of satisfaction, but does that really get you anywhere? With blogging, you suddenly have the same freedoms to write whatever you want, but now you're able to share that with others and allow them to offer their own insights on what you've been thinking.

Last night, I was extremely frustrated because I had blogger's block. I couldn't think of anything to write about! For some reason, I'd gotten it wrapped around my head that my blog had turned into a self-help meets inspirational meets get-things-done blog, and without a clear and concise topic, writing was worthless.

And then I thought... why would I do that to myself? Why would I box myself in to a pattern in a personal blog like this, and make everything the same? Seriously, if I keep writing all these inspirational/self-help posts, I'm just going to quit and write a book.

So I did what I do best. I cleared the page, I put on some ambient music, and I wrote. Not about anything in particular (well, that's not true... I had a pretty good idea for a topic), just writing from the heart and the creative centers of my brain.

And I ended up with this.

That post had absolutely no point. It had no direction, until about halfway through when I decided running into a door would be funny. That post was entirely done on a whim, from the seat of my pants.

And it's probably one of the most exhilarating things I've ever done.

Don't get stuck in a rut. Don't write about just what everyone expects (or tells) you to write about. It's your blog, right? You're not getting paid to do it? They're not paying to read it? Then go nuts.

Your blog is your canvas. You are Picasso. Go write me some abstract stuff.

-N

Gettin' handy and gettin' sandy.

2010-04-08T20:09:00.000-07:00

This weekend I am starting my first big home project: refinishing the hardwood floors. I can't wait to put on those awesome see-through goggles and a guard mask. Hot, right?

My realtor recommended a sander and he says it works so well that he actually tried to mess the floors up at one point just to see if it was possible. He even went against the grain and it didn't leave a noticeable mistake on the floor, so I SHOULD be good.

I think I've always had a little bit of a fear of large hardware machines, especially when I'm the one in charge of their movement. My dad is a lawyer, and I grew up hearing about people accidently cutting their body parts off, or running over their feet, or falling on top of something sharp. I think there was even one guy who accidently shaved part of the skin of his own arm off when he was skin shaving a pig in the slaughterhouse. Eww. I probably shouldn't have told you that.

I don't really know how I could injure myself, but I always have some sort of fear in the back of my mind that something will happen. I'm going to be wearing shoes, so it's not like I'm going to sand down the surface of my foot or anything. And I don't think it's possible to fall face first into the moving surface of a running sander machine.... but you never know. There's a first for everything!

It reminds me of the Darwin Awards. Ever heard of those? Their catch phrase is: "Honoring those who improve the species... by accidently removing themselves from it!" As tragic as it sounds, a Darwin Award is given to someone who dies in a situation that is linked to their absent-mindedness or stupidity. For example, here's one from the website:

(11 March 1978, France) The singer Claude Francois, whose stellar career can be compared to that of Elvis Presley, popularized rock and roll music in France. One evening, he returned to his Paris apartment from a busy touring schedule, and ran a bath. While standing in the filled tub, he noticed a light bulb that wasn't straight, tried to straighten it... and was electrocuted.

Or this one, for instance:

(27 October 2009, Arkansas) Thirty-year-old Devan LeAnn of Shongaloo, Louisiana, was visiting Lake Ehrling with a male friend. Recent bouts of heavy rain had resulted in a flood of runoff water, and they decided it would be fun to take a mattress careening down the surging water in the spillway.

Unfortunately Leann was riding a foam egg-crate style mattress pad. Imagine a wet foam pad. Are you sinking yet? According to her friend, Devan LeAnn simply vanished from sight at dusk. The next morning her body was found in a tangle of trees 70 yards below the spillway.

Parents, warn your children! Wetting the bed can be deadly.

I think I also read one where a man thought "Cruise Control" meant his RV would drive itself and he could go in the back and cook some breakfast. I'm sure it didn't take him long to figure out that mistake.

Anyhoo, wish me luck on the project. It will be a lot of work, but ultimately it's a reward, as long as I look as cool as this guy while I'm doing it:

Peace,

Kelly

Laying it all out there.

2010-04-06T19:23:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of not showing my complete self when I write this blog. As much as I always tell myself to write the truth of everything going on in my life, there's always a part of me that wants to hide the flaws away in case someone starts to disagree with something I'm saying, or judges what I'm writing as stupid, annoying, whiny, or just wrong. But I need to start accepting myself for who I am completely. I've been trying to do that all my life, but it's never happened because instead of trying to make myself happy, I've tried to fit the expectations I think everyone has of me.

I almost wrote a disclaimer to apologize for writing a long, serious entry, but I'm stopping myself. Why do I feel I need to apologize? It's my blog!

For a good part of my life I had myself tricked. I convinced myself that I was this relaxed, go-with-the-flow love child who could be spontaneous and carefree and not sweat the small stuff... and maybe I was that way for awhile. But at some point, it switched and my personality was no longer matching the view I had of myself, or the view I had of the "ideal" me.

I've been a pretty anxious person all my life, and since I left home for college, I've also been on an up and down battle with depression. There, it's out there, and I'm acknowledging it. It's not a big deal to put it out in the open, and it's not something I should be ashamed of. In fact, if I want to get better, the first thing I need to do is acknowledge that depression and anxiety are valid medical conditions just like any other sickness or disease.

Even though I thought I was a relaxed person from the start, I remember having issues with anxiety as early as first grade. One of the only memories I have from that year is staring into my completely haphazard mess of a desk and being overwhelmed and anxious, to the point of tears, that I couldn't find a worksheet we were supposed to have. I remember the teacher telling me to calm down, that it wasn't a big deal and that she'd help me clean up my desk, but it was so hard to convince myself that it wasn't the end of the world.

I can then go through every year in school and think of multiple moments where, due to disorganization + anxiety + self-loathing I entered a state of panic about something I'd done wrong. This includes high school as well, and continued into college when each semester I'd continually take on way too many credits because I wanted to look like a hard worker, only to have some sort of emotional breakdown in front of one of my professors because I couldn't handle the pressure. It was this continuous pattern of getting on a natural high for being so proud of everything I could handle at once, but ultimately culminating in a burn-out due to my inability to say no and inability to acknowledge my limits.

When the anxiety hit an all time high, so would my emotions, and I think that's where the depression popped up. People started telling me I was really defensive and overly sensitive, and that I reacted impulsively when my emotions were at a high level. In college, I remember starting to think that all my friends were out to get me, and would sometimes get wrapped up in the paranoia so much that I'd close off from them for awhile until I was able to see the ridiculousness of it all. I couldn't take criticism or jokes if I wasn't in the right mood, and if someone pointed out one of my flaws or something they didn't agree with, I was devastated. I didn't see it as just one part of myself... instead my mind would jump to the conclusion that they hated every part of me, and as a result, I'd start hating every bit of myself until something was able to bring me back up again.

Early on, I developed a way to give myself short-term relief. I discovered that a way to make myself feel better as I grew up was to start taking care of other people, and listening to their problems, and putting them first, and trying to "fix" everything wrong outside of my own existence. I still love to do this, and it is a natural tendency for me to be empathetic with other peoples' situations, and I think that is a powerful thing to have and I value having empathy from the start. However, I've rarely valued my own problems as serious or important as others' and it's about time I start taking care of myself. I'm only 24, and if I don't do something soon my soul is going to become a big glob of bitterness and resentment.

That's why I'm starting to look into my issues deeper, and actually trying to get some outside help. And I'm going to write about it on here, out in the open. I grew up in a family that hid a lot of problems under the rug, and to this day, the elephant in the room is not fully acknowledged. I don't want to be like that, and so as I titled this entry, I'm laying it all out there.

I'm in a good mood today, and I'm usually in a great mood at work. But there are days that pop up every now and then, usually at home alone, when my mind turns dark, and I can't seem to get out of it. Whether the root of the cause is general anxiety, is an attention disorder, or is simply that I've trained myself to live this way, it's time to figure it out.

Time to get busy livin', not get busy dyin'.

Thanks for reading. I'm still going to be my goofy self on here (because that is a part of who I am), but I'm also going to start showing all of me, not just the part I want to be. I hope you like it, but if not, instead of beating myself up for it, I'm going to work on thinking, "So what!"

Peace,

Kelly

Movin' on up...

2010-04-04T13:16:00.000-07:00

...to the east side! Yes, it's official. I am a homeowner. I now own an adorable 1920's bungalow on the east side of Indianapolis, and it's ALL MINE. If I could, I'd jump out of your computer screen and ask for a high five. I suppose a congratulatory response to this entry is acceptable, as well. =)

People are already asking me when I am going to have a housewarming party, but I haven't even started the first big makeover project: refinishing the floors. I'm going to do that, and probably paint, before I even move in. I'm renting the house I'm currently in until June, so it gives me plenty of time to get those things done before I move in all my stuff.

Get ready, because I bet this blog is going to become the place where I celebrate the successes or vent about the failures of my first experience with home improvement. You are my therapists.

Peace,

Kelly

Sloth woman.

2010-03-22T20:42:00.000-07:00

If I don't get off my ass soon, the couch is going to form around my body and I will never again be able to fit into normal sized entry ways. I know there are many more traumatic scenarios to fear if this sofa becomes forever attached to my backside, but not being able to fit in doorways is at the top of that list, and it will likely happen if I do not get up SOON.

But I just started this blog entry, so tough luck butt. And I'm so coooooomfortable. And I haven't written in a very long time (except for that tipsy blurb about sandwiches and singing).

So, everything to do with the house is going really well, and I am scheduled to close at 1 p.m. on April 1st. I didn't think anything of it until someone asked, "You scheduled to close on a house on April Fools' Day?!" I may have totally screwed myself over. What if I go in and they're all like, "April Fools! You aren't buying a house at all!!! We made it all up!" or "April Fools! You just bought a lifetime supply of canned tuna!" or "April Fools! You just sold yourself to the devil!"

So, wish me luck on that endeavor. Until I get the key to the house in my hand I am NOT going to feel 100% satisfied that I am ACTUALLY the OWNER of a HOUSE.

What else have I been doing lately? Well, not much. Slowly forming a permanent impression of my arse into the couch cushions... that's what. It's awful. I have such a lack of motivation when I'm by myself. I never want to look like a lazy person in front of others, so at school I'm constantly go-go-go and at home when I have guests I'm never in the same room for more than ten minutes. I move around and keep busy, and I think a lot of it is insecurity. I hate lazy people, but here's the thing... I AM one.

My dad thinks I have Adult ADD. But if I had Adult ADD, would I be able to sit on a couch for this long? When I think about WHY I do it though, I think it's because when I finally get home I'm so overwhelmed by everything I need to accomplish for the rest of my awake hours that I shut down and slam myself down on a comfortable surface, never to move again until the sun goes down. So what do you think? Do I have it?

I'd love to hear some feedback from people who either 1) have ADD or ADHD, 2) have relationships with me and can verify or dismiss my connection with ADD or ADHD or 3) just feel like giving me their opinion even if I don't want or need it.

Here's the thing: maybe nothing is wrong with me and it's all in my head. I think I'm slowly becoming an mental hypochondriac. I've always wanted to know if I'm normal. But there really is no "normal" so what is the point in forever trying to figure out if I am or not?

Alright, so my topics are going all over. Possible a sign of ADD. Out of curiosity I looked up the characteristics of adult ADD. I'll comment on whether or not I think it fits a description of me:

The Adult with ADD (from www.ncsu.edu):

May lose things such as keys, important papers, phone numbers etc on a regular basis.

Ohmygosh YES. Every day. I've been through five phones in the past year I think (right, Joe?) and lose my keys at least once a day.

May be forgetful in daily activities “I know there was something I was supposed to do!” or consistently forget to take out the trash, instructions from your partner, or picking the kids up from an activity.

Hahaha, this is hilarious. I always forget to take out the trash. Like, almost every week until the bins are completely full and I can't fit anymore in them and then my mind officially clicks on and says: REMINDER: TAKE OUT TRASH.

May consistently begin a task and not complete it. Maybe you start to cut the grass, go inside to get a drink, answer the phone, see there is a sporting event on TV, sit down and watch it and leave the lawn mower in the middle of the yard. Maybe you have a “workshop” with projects began with good intentions, all half finished.

I have many things started. 1) My photography business I have yet to expand. 2) A number of videos my drama students are doing that I haven't finished editing. 3) Voice recordings of my grandparents' memories that I haven't completely typed up and documented yet 4) A Tale of Two Cities which I started about two months ago and read over the same page when I get the chance and then set it down and forget about it. 4) I want to be a write but I NEVER finish stories unless it is for a grade or someone has given me a deadline. 5) I HATE routine and so I'll start the dishes, then go into the living room and vacuum in there for a bit, then move upstairs and put half my clothes away, then move to another room, etc.

May have a problem following conversations. Maybe your wife/girlfriend/partner talks to you and always complains that you never listen. Maybe you are always wondering when someone told you something when they say “Don’t you remember I told you about this last week.” Maybe you miss deadlines at work or hand in something irrelevant because you only heard half the conversation.

My friends and boyfriend can let me know about this. Have I gotten any better? I think I learned about active listening and now I'll say things like, "Wow" and "That's crazy" and really I'll have no idea what they are saying to me. It's really hard for me to pay attention if there is something more important going on in my head.

May be difficult to motivate yourself to begin a project. “Oh sure, that sounds great, I’ll get started on it, well, maybe tomorrow!” A project that doesn’t instantly sound great and exciting may continually be placed on hold, making you look lazy.

I am the queen of procrastination, but aren't we all? I don't know many people that don't do some things last minute. But in college, I would wait until the night before to write a ten page paper, freak myself out about it, but get an A anyways. I work better under pressure, and I've trained myself to do so, but the problem is that now I don't know how to work when I'm NOT under pressure.

May have difficulty following a timed schedule. Misjudging time can create havoc in any schedule. Either you begin with an unrealistic schedule, allowing too much or too little time for each activity, or you can’t follow the schedule because you forgot about the time and just spend 3 hours on an activity that should have taken 20 minutes.

I tend to take on way too many tasks, and then get so overwhelmed that I panic and have a shutdown period. I think this whole WINTER was my shutdown period at home. At school I put so much energy into everything and it's hard to slow down, so when I get home I become Sloth Woman.

So what do you think? I think a lot of people could be diagnosed with ADD because I think all of us have some of these traits. Am I an extreme case or am I just too analytical?

Let me know.

Peace,

Kelly

Life lesson #1.

2010-03-14T01:19:00.001-08:00

After three glasses of wine I've discovered that I'm REALLY good at making sandwiches and that I'm a much better singer!

Does this happen to you? =)

Decorating Brainstorm

2010-03-06T23:19:00.000-08:00

Today I had a burst of creative energy, and I decided to go out and buy a sketchbook and colored pencils to get started on decorating ideas for the new house. I still don't close until April 1st, and I'm a bit stressed about the process, and this definitely helped me get excited again.

I LOVE color, and I particularly love the energy of contrasting colors. In this case: blue and orange.

Let me know what you think!

Peace,

Kelly

Blog neglect.

2010-03-01T20:54:00.000-08:00

I know I've completely neglected my blog. I've discovered something about buying a house: It's exciting, but the process is a pain in the ARSE.

I'm trying to balance all the paperwork and deadlines for the house, along with school work, and it's put me in total shutdown mode. My creativity is zilch at the moment.

I WILL be back. Just give me some time.

Kelly

Pretty things to come.

2010-02-19T15:27:00.000-08:00

This is what my street will look like in the fall! I found it online. Right now it's winter, so I had noooo idea up 'til now how pretty the leaves can get.

That's all for now. I'm just excited.

Peace,

Kelly

Long time, no blog.

2010-02-17T18:55:00.000-08:00

I took a little blog hiatus because I've been busy. GUESS WHY:

I'M BUYING A HOUSE!

Yes, it's official. Remember that cute, little, yellow bungalow I showed you? That's the one. White picket fence and all. Two bedroom, one bath, hardwood floors, a fireplace with built in bookshelves on both sides, a sun room, a brick patio, fenced in backyard, two car garage. Woot woot!

I've always loved the idea of decorating, but I've never had a space to call my own. When I move in, I can do WHATEVER I WANT with it. I can't believe it. I can put a hole in any wall, can paint in any color, can put in any shelving, and it's all up to me. Yes, I know this just comes with owning a house, but it's my first one and I'm super excited.

Of course, now that I'm starting to look at designs and colors and all, I'm going AAAAH! There are so many different ways to decorate and I'm not really sure what I'm doing yet. All I know is that I want it to be eclectic in style. I don't want to pick a very categorized style because I like to change things up. I also love how a room can look if there are pieces from all over the place that some how work together with the colors, fabrics, etc. Here are a few samples I found online:

I just love pulling bright things from every which way and getting them together for a complete look. In each picture there are a few different patterns going on at once, and all have bright colors. The dining room picture is a bit too much, probably due to the busy walls. I've noticed that in most eclectic designs the walls stay a pretty neutral color so the whole room doesn't seem too overwhelming. Hopefully that makes paint picking easy!

I think this design aesthetic will be perfect for me because 1) I love displaying trinkets I've gathered through my life, 2) I love vintage artwork/paintings/furniture, and 3) I love to thrift shop for decorating pieces.

Whiiiiich brings me to my next point. I have not gone thrift store shopping in a LONG time, and earlier this week I got my sister out of the house and we went to a vintage clothing store, and then to three different Goodwills. End result: 15 dresses, 4 sweaters, 2 shirts, and 7 home decor items for.... (drumroll please.....) under $100!!! I really recommend getting out now before it warms up again because we were able to snag so many comfy, casual spring dresses. On average I think each dress was about 4 bucks. SPECTACULAR!

Out of the decor items for my house, I also came across something I am going to take as a sign in my quest for pet pig ownership. When I found it in an aisle at Goodwill, I ran up to my sister very excitedly and before I even showed her she knew it was going to have something to do with my pig venture. The pictures will suffice:

Yes, folks, it is a black decorative pig head that I am definitely going to put by the front door and hang my keys on. I am also going to decorate him with different seasonal hats. You think it's ridiculous? So be it. It's just another sign that Thurman Merman is meant to be.

And on that note, I'm out.

Peace,

Kelly

There's hope.

2010-02-06T11:24:00.000-08:00

There is light at the end of the tunnel. I stumbled across this site and am going to use it to help me get approval for a pet pig.

I really am serious about this people. No joke.

My savior: Pet Pig Zone

LOOK! Over ten years time, this woman has made a PET PIG ZONING PACKET!!! I love her.

Peace,

Kelly

Stockyard - no go.

2010-02-06T11:16:00.000-08:00

If I want a pet pig, where I keep it in no way will qualify for the definition of a stockyard, according to Indiana:

"Stockyard" means any place of business commonly known or advertised as a stockyard, and which is operated for compensation or profit as a public market consisting of sheds, pens, or other enclosures, and their contiguous appurtenances in which live livestock is received from the public and kept temporarily for sale, marketing, or shipping.

I'm not giving up. If I have to get everyone I know to write separate appeals asking for a county permit for a pet pig, I will do it.

Updates to follow.

Peace,

Kelly

I might cry.

2010-02-06T11:04:00.000-08:00

I found this in the Marion County ordinances of Indiana.

Sec. 531-104. Keeping swine.

It shall be unlawful for a person to keep swine on premises in the consolidated city and county, unless such premises are stockyards, slaughterhouses, or other premises where the keeping or raising of livestock is permitted by county zoning ordinances.

(G.O. 30, 1998, § 1; G.O. 169, 1999, § 3; G.O. 94, 2006, § 1)

What I need to do is 1) find out what qualifies as a "stockyard" and 2) find out if there is any way I can get a permit for a pet pig.

I really want a Thurman Merman. How could anyone in my neighborhood resist the cuteness of this:

Peace,

Kelly

Coming up Millhouse.

2010-02-06T10:48:00.000-08:00

Everything's been coming up Millhouse for me lately. Here are a few things making me happy.

I haven't had a haircut in forever long, and as a result my curls are longer and more relaxed. Thus, when my hair dries naturally it is starting to look like Kate's hair from Lost. I always wanted mine to look like that, and now it is. HELL YES.
I've got some serious job security. This year a new position was basically invented for me since I was accidently hired back after they filled all the regular teaching positions. I could have been completely lazy, but I've busted my arse and now people in the district are praising the work I've done with my school's new Learning Center. The new Principal loves me, and says she'll kill me if I don't come back next year. Also, if I get on the RIF list (RIF = Reduction in Force. A list they send out to teachers who have worked under five years, letting them know that due to budgeting they might be cut) she's going to fight for me downtown. HELL YES.
Next weekend, Dyke has Saturday and Sunday off. It's Valentine's Day weekend, and also our one-year anniversary. I love that I'm dating my best friend, and I love that he loves me even when I fart, mess up, freak out from stress, leave a sink full of dirty dishes, make too much noise in the morning, and give him too much of a hard time. He's sleeping and snoring right now, and it's pretty gosh darn cute.
I think I've found a really adorable house. This will be the third time I've made an offer, but I'm hoping it goes through. I'm going to look at a couple more houses in a different area of the city this weekend, but I ultimately think I'm going to make an offer on this one. It's painted an adorable yellow, has a white picket fence, original hardwood floors, a porch swing, a cute fenced in backyard where Thurman Merman can run around, and was built in 1920. HELL YES.
The Superbowl is this weekend, and while I normally could care less about football, it will be really fun to see the Colts kick some ass again.
I held onto my sledding championship title last night when Dyke, some friends, and I trudged through the snow in their aparment complex and went down a big hill. Last year, I managed to use two sleds and go down standing up, staying on them like a pair of skis. I did it again this year, and made it the farthest. Although, I give the "best landing" award to Cliffy, who went down backwards and landed headfirst in a giant frozen puddle of slush hidden beneath the snow. Excellent. I also give Magdalene the "best injury" award after breaking her tibia in four places when we went down as a group the last time is snowed.
Tonight I'm going out on the town in Broadripple with some friends, and can't wait to dance my ass off.

That's all for now folks.

Peace,

Kelly

Just so you know.

2010-02-04T21:09:00.000-08:00

When I eventually adopt a pet potbelly pig, I'm going to name him Thurman Merman, after the adorable chubster from Bad Santa (Dyke just made me watch it... even though Christmas is over.)

That's all I have to say right now.

Peace,

Kelly

Couchsurfing - Pictures.

2010-02-02T00:58:00.000-08:00

I figured some of you might be interested in seeing some photographs of my North Carolina adventure. Here are some below.

The house in Asheville:

The baby snakes I found in the kitchen:

One of the many masks decorating their house:

Lindsay and Brandon enjoying some beverages:

On the road, somewhere in Asheville:

Camping in the Smokies. Lindsay wrapped in the furry coat creature, and

one of the boys' housemates walking by with his banjo (posing like a sasquatch):

Lindsay and Cory saying goodbye:

Cory and me saying goodbye. I think he's picking my hair like a monkey:

More to come.

Peace,

Kelly

Couchsurfing, part 3.

2010-01-31T22:29:00.000-08:00

Awhile back you may recall some posts about my Courchsurfing adventures. I never completed the tale of the adventure I had with my college roommate, Lindsay, and the pair of hippie brothers we met up with in North Carolina.

I'm attempting to continue that story now. I recommend reading up on my last entries which you can find here and here.

Needless to say, Lindsay and I had an unexpectedly enjoyable time with our new North Carolina buddies. So much so, in fact, that we decided that after our brief trip down to Florida, we'd come back and stop in Asheville again before heading back to Indiana. We just had to have more of this experience (plus Lindsay was crushin' on Cory at full speed).

We spent a few days in Tampa so we could get the Spring Break sun we were yearning, and had a ball crashing in Lindsay's friend's apartment with her boyfriend, who I accidently kept calling Conrad instead of his real name (don't remember it), and his roommate Chicken Balls (because he kept making these ball-shaped chicken nugget snacks). I don't really remember much of our Florida trip, probably because a lot of alcohol was involved. I DO remember being at the Tampa Zoo, and seeing a sign that told us not to molest the alligators. I was very disappointed because that was definitely on the top of my list of things I wanted to do before I left Florida. Oh well, can't win 'em all.

Back to North Carolina we went. One our way back we did stop in Charleston, South Carolina for a night, stayed in a motel, freaked out because we thought we saw a shark in the bay (ended up being a dolphin), and woke up grumpy, sick of the car, and hungry. But if it's one thing I know about Lindsay and me, is if we get food in our stomachs, our mood changes for the better immediately following consumption.

We got back to the Asheville house after a long day of driving. Cory and Brandon were packing up. "We're going camping in an abandoned apple tree farm in the Smokies," they told us. So before our stuff even had a chance to touch the ground, it went straight from our car to theirs, and we were on the road again. You can imagine what I thought a drive into the Smoky Mountains would be like: peaceful, serene, calm. But instead, I found myself listening to some horribly loud techno music with a heavy bass that made my ears throb. "What is this?!!" I asked. Brandon continued to shake his head to the music. Clearly, he didn't hear me.

I lost track of where the car was taking us, and eventually realized that we were driving on a grassy matted-down path that lead to a more open grassy pasture. Several rows of leafless trees dotted the area, and that was about it. Except we weren't alone.

As I got out of the car, I saw patches of tents in different corners of the field, some clearly spray painted with psychedelic neon patterns and peace signs. Brandon and Cory explained to us that this was the site of one of the many open-trade open-music festivals they often attended. "Is there a festival this weekend?" I asked. "No," Cory explained. "This is pre-festival. There is always a giant bonfire at the festival, and this is the preparation meeting where we gather up a bunch of wood for the bonfire." I nodded and pretended I understood.

It sure seemed like a festival to me. Half of the wood we collected ended up going into a giant bonfire for all the people there to PREPARE for the festival bonfire. As night fell, the ruckus began. Music came from all areas of the field. At the main fire, I talked briefly with a middle-aged couple who were both wearing tie-dyed t-shirts, blanket capes, and neon afro wigs. Another guy was juggling some sticks on fire, while another was putting lighter fluid in his mouth and spitting at great distances.

Our gang went back and forth between socializing at the main fire and our own, and again got out the banjo and bongos to make a rhythmic pattern of randomness. Brandon got one with the earth and I listened as he and his housemates had an in depth conversation about the meaning of the universe, its connection with Occam's razor, and an unrelated discussion about whether dogs were innately inside or outside creatures.

After a night of one heavy conversation after the other, we retired to our tents. I fell asleep to the sound of crackling flames, the strum of a banjo, and Lindsay giggling away in Cory's tent. Surprisingly, I was at peace.

That's all I can get out for now folks. I'll continue soon. Must go to bed! It's a school night.

Peace,

Kelly

Help Haiti: Donate to Doctors Without Borders

2010-01-30T15:25:00.000-08:00

Before I make any more posts, please take some time out of your day to make a donation towards the Haiti relief efforts. I've chosen to focus on Doctors Without Borders, an international medical humanitarian organization that provides aid in nearly 60 countries to people whose survival is threatened by violence, negligence, or catastrophe, primarily due to armed conflict, epidemics, malnutrition, exclusion from health care, or natural disasters.

They jumped in to help Haiti right away. See what Doctors Without Borders is doing in Haiti.

Donate here: http://doctorswithoutborders.org/

Peace,

Kelly

Getting real, again.

2010-01-16T10:11:00.001-08:00

Awhile back I wrote a post titled "Getting Real" where I basically went through a bunch of things I WISH I liked, but really don't.

I think I continue to battle with myself over who I am. There is a type of person I really wish I was, but I've got to face reality and start loving me for me. Here is another list of things I wish were true about my personality that aren't (Doing this is very therapeutic, you should try it. It helps you accept yourself a bit more.)

I wish I was the type of person who...

... liked living in the city. As you know, I've been house hunting. While I absolutely love the look of the houses in the city, when I go with my gut I think I would much rather live just outside it. After all, I come into the city to work, and I think I'd like a more quiet place to go at the end of the day. Also, I like it when there is a bit more space between the houses. I'm not ready for super-suburbia just yet, but I recently found a house that is just outside the chaos, but still part of Indianapolis. It's a cute little bungalow that is a good size for me, and I'm going to back and check it out again this week. We'll see. (The nice thing about Indianapolis is that the city is super accessible, so if I WANT the city life one night, it's only a hop away.)

...had a type B personality. For a long time in my life I convinced myself that I was an easy-going, go-with-the-flow, peace-love, tree-hugging, free-spirited soul. I think I started realizing I wasn't when I was in college. My friends would all tell me I was kind of uptight and super defensive at times, and I just didn't want to acknowledge it. I've calmed down a lot since then, but I still: have to keep busy, like being in control of everything I'm asked to do, want things a certain way, get antsy when things don't turn out how I want them to, struggle with relaxation, get anxious over little every day things. (I'm not SO uptight that my house is super clean all the time though... that's my one vice. I have too much crap and my room is messy often. So I'm not a SUPER A personality, but I definitely lean in that direction).

...could be vegan. I'm totally comfortable now with the vegetarian lifestyle, but since I always want to be the best, I really want to be vegan. BUT CHEESE JUST TASTES TOO DAMN GOOD. And BUTTER man. REAL BUTTER.

... didn't care what other people think of me. But I do, I definitely do. Sometimes, I think I'm still at a level of the paranoia and insecurity of a girl in middle school. When I do something wrong or something I think others won't approve of, I start to obsess over the reactions people will have. I build up an idea that they are all talking about me behind my back. And the thing is, it's always about stupid stuff: "Can you believe Miss Hannon took an extra five minutes on her lunch break? I can't believe it. What a selfish bitch." Also, when I strayed from Catholicism and decided to disconnect myself a bit from the religion, I thought all my Catholic friends were going to start seeing me as a heathen. So dumb. And what is funny about all this, is that I've learned to be a very forgiving person. I always give people more and more chances, including my students, so why can't I forgive myself? I'm working on it.

.... didn't watch television so much. This year I purposefully didn't subscribe to any cable because later in life I didn't want to look back at my life, and realize I spent too much of it on the couch watching a box. Unfortunately, a lot of shows are now online these days, and my older sister introduced me to surfthechannel.com, and that got me back to my old ways (not blaming you, Caitlin!). Now I find myself watching a lot of shows I normally wouldn't if I didn't have access to them. Here's the thing, I like shows. I really like good acting, and these days I think we actually have a lot of great acting on television. It's like a work of fiction being put into action, and I appreciate it. Yes, I also do watch my dumb shows as well (I love Ghost Hunters, because it is the only thing that can slightly get me scared anymore). But oh well! I like TV! Deal with it.

...could speak as well as I write. I feel like when I write, things come out a lot easier than when I try to put it into words with my voice. Just this week I led an orientation for the tutors that will be coming to volunteer at our school. I made sure I was super prepared, but when I got up there I felt like I was fumbling over my words. I couldn't, for the life of me, get out what I wanted to say in the way I wanted to say it. I still did fine, but I wish I had been a bit more charismatic and natural. It will come in time. It's the first time I led the orientation, but I know it will get easier. This is also the reason why I don't like to get in conversational debates, because if I WROTE DOWN what I was trying to say, I could do much better. When I have to verbally state my opinion and argument, I get so caught up in organizing how to say it that it doesn't come out right, and I never win.

... was more suave and sexy. I tend to be a little loud and clumsy, or super awkward. I tend to make a lot of noise when I walk around, and I breathe loud sometimes without realizing it. Luckily I've found a guy that totally gets that, and still sees other qualities in me, too. But I still struggle with reacting in a smooth way when I get hit on. I want to politely leave the conversation and let them know that I'm not interested in smooth way, but instead, when someone tries something on me I tend to laugh a lot, not look them in the eye, get red in the face, and start avoiding them. Then I just seem weird (or is this another one of my paranoid assumptions?)

... could finish projects only because of self-motivation. It seems anything I start doesn't get finished unless there is another person in the picture waiting for it to happen. I've started dozens of projects, and in particular, writing projects. I would love to actually write a full novel, or a David Sedaris-esque collection of my life experiences, but I get so caught up in the day-to-day that it doesn't happen. Maybe I'll use my blog to start writing those reflections, and in the future, I can compile them all. What do you think?

To end this "Getting Real" entry, I'm going to show a clip from one of my favorite episodes of Sex and the City called "The Real Me." It's the last part of the episode, and I'll give a little set up to let you know what was going on:

Carrie is asked to get out of her comfort zone and be a model in a fashion show.

Miranda goes on a date with a guy who calls her "sexy," and because of that, gets carried away with the idea. On her second date she tries too hard to be "sexy" and it ends badly

Samantha tries to face reality in accepting her body by getting some naked pictures taken of herself.

Charlotte has a fear of looking at herself "down there."

Peace,

Kelly

Beautiful Blogger Award!

2010-01-11T20:53:00.000-08:00

I am lucky enough to a have received the beautiful blogger award from the beautiful Ari from Happy Cactus. Thank you so much Ari! This is just what I needed. I woke up this morning with a bit of a fever and a stomach ache from who knows what, and it wasn't exactly a beautiful day.

I'm hoping to feel better. Maybe this award will help.

The award rules:

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award. (Thanks again, Ari!)
2. Copy the award and place it on your blog (see above).
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award (here it is again)
4. Tell us 7 interesting things bout yourself.
5. Nominate 7 bloggers.
6. Post links to the 7 blogs that are nominated.

Seven Interesting Things about Me:

1. Lately I've been sleeping with my head at the foot of my bed and my feet at the top (is that interesting, or just weird?)

2. I recently had a dream that my boyfriend and I did the entire final dance from Dirty Dancing, including the lift. I was proud.

3. I also had a dream that I was dating Tom Hanks, at his current age, and going to a movie premiere with him (I just realized that these dreams may have to do with my new sleeping position. You think?)

4. I recently decided I want to adopt a pet pig when I have the time to take care of one. Did you know they are smarter than dogs? They are just too cute! The guy to the left is Mr. Pigglesworth. I found him on a website. I want him. I was about to say, "He's so cute, I could eat him," but that's a bit awkward. (I do miss bacon... but apparently there is a Canadian veggie bacon out there somewhere that tastes like the real thing. Me want!)

5. As much as I try to be a good listener, if something isn't captivating enough I tend to start "active listening" even though my mind is anything but active in the conversation. I'm probably staring at your nose hairs.

6. After having such a blast at my 1920's New Year's Party, I think I might try to make it a tradition to throw a big bash every year with a different theme. What do you think? I'll take theme suggestions.

7. I think I'm becoming an insomniac again, like I was for awhile in college. I need sleep, but I toss an turn and toss and turn.

And now... drumroll please... the 7 blogs I nominate:

1. Seshat (a.k.a. my mommy)
2. HCubed (a super teacher friend)
3. NicoleIsBetter (a new discovery... she cracks me up)
4. MissMoose (totally sweet and artsy)
5. Walking Faux Pas (beautiful in how much it makes me laugh)
6. NavyOCallaghans (close friends from H.S.)
7. MeltedReel (beautifully witty movie reviews by an old friend)

Maybe I'll sleep now.

Peace,

Kelly

Liven Up the G-Dub Learning Hub!

2010-01-11T18:40:00.001-08:00

Hey everybody! As you know, I teach at an inner-city school in Indianapolis, and this means there isn't a whole lot of money to put towards wants and not needs.

Well, my students would LOVE a more decorated Learning Center. I work in there full time and have done my best to dress up the place... and it looks a heck of a lot better than it used to (you will see it on the site), but it still needs a lot of work.

There are thirteen days left to donate. Please help me get four bean bag chairs and a giant, durable purple rug for the room. The students will appreciate it, and I'll be sure to take some pictures of the result and put them up on the site.

PLEASE! Thanks so much:Liven Up the G-Dub Learning Hub!

Peace,

Kelly

I'm back!

2010-01-07T20:52:00.000-08:00

As you probably noticed, I took a long break from my blog so I could relax and enjoy the holiday season. I'm now back into the swing of things this week since school started back up, and while it's nice to be busy again, I've been hitting the alarm one too many times and rushing myself to work because of it. It is definitely a challenge to wake up before dawn again when this whole break I was sleeping in until the sun came up (...or later).

Run-down of the holidays:

Vacation: Dyke and I went to Key Largo for a week and stayed with his cousin. While it was a bit overcast, I couldn't complain because I was still able to wear a t-shirt and shorts. It is funny to hear all the Floridians complain about the "cold" weather there. One guy, at a seaside bar, yelled that he was going to die of pneumonia. Pssh, please. Come visit Indiana! Anyhoo, it was great fun, very relaxing, and I definitely want to go back. We even stayed in Key West one night, and that place is hilarious. I would love to spend New Year's there sometime, because at midnight, a drag queen sits in a giant red high heel that drops during the countdown. Love it!! Here are a few pictures from our vacation:

Dyke and me at an art shop in Key Largo:

An inn lit up for a Key West holiday:

Dyke at the southernmost point in the continental U.S.A.:

A tarpon grabbing a fish during a feeding. I love that I got this shot:

Christmas: Instead of creating a giant meal this year with turkey, etc. we decided to make it easy and have several kinds of chili for the family meal. It was so much more relaxing this year because my sisters (Erin and Caitlin, in particular) weren't stressing out about getting all the food ready in time, and my mom wasn't running around complaining about all the people in the kitchen. It's funny, because my parents specifically built this house with a design that allows for an open kitchen/sitting room, but everyone hangs out in the kitchen anyways. I've noticed this at parties too... even if a kitchen is ridiculously small, it becomes the hang out space. There's something comforting about it I guess.

We then had my dad's family Christmas in early January, and since all the cousins are around college age or older now (with a couple of exceptions), the conversations tend to be more adult and inappropriate. We played a board game called "Loaded Questions" (which I recommend whole-heartedly, look for the 'Adult' Loaded Questions as well) and I think the answers definitely got dirtier and dirtier as the game went along. Some of the things mentioned: boob jobs and face lifts, condoms and redbull, and the quotes of the night from my uncle (while my other uncle was standing behind him in a suggestive manner): "If I get humped, I want to feel it." Oh dear.

New Year's Eve: Back when I was going to IU, one of my friends threw a 1920's themed party, and I always wanted to go to another one after that. As you probably figured out from my Halloween costume, I absolutely love dressing up. When I was little, my sisters and I would have bags upon bags of costumes in the basement left over from old Halloweens, and we'd go to different worlds, be different people, etc. just by putting on an outfit. I guess that's why I love it so much still today. I don't think anyone is ever too old to dress in costume.

Soooo... I threw a Roaring Twenties New Year's party! We all got dressed up in our glad rags and drank some hooch. Here are a few things I did to set the mood:

Covered the glass around the front door with black, except for a little eye hole so we could see who was trying to sneak into the speakeasy.
Hung up pictures of old 1920's ads and anti-prohibition announcements. There was one of a mother holding her son that read, "Help keep him pure. Vote against the sale of liquors!"
Streamed Charlie Chaplin films on both televisions.
Hung decorative pearls on the chandelier and lights, and decorated in black, white, and silver.
Provided the ingredients for Mint Juleps and Gin Fizzes, two popular drinks during Prohibition.
At midnight, played a countdown which transitioned into an old version of Auld Lang Syne, and then into the Charleston.
Printed off a dictionary of 1920's slang and hung it up on one of the large walls so we could all learn a few things.
Dressed up in costume and asked everyone elso too as well (of course!)
Put all pictures from the party in sepia tone so they look old and classic.

As far as I'm concerned, the party was a great success. Everyone seemed to have a good time, and I was so surprised that most people dressed up and really got into the theme. Below are some of the highlights of the party. Enjoy!

My flapper costume:

Dyke and me looking classy:

Holly and Justin, my friends from high school, gettin' serious:

Using coffee mugs so the cops don't realize it's hooch!:

Clearly, something quite hilaaarious was just said:

A view of the evening:

Well, that's a wrap folks. I hope to be back on here more often now that life is back to normal. Hope you missed me.

Peace,

Kelly

Jump around, again.

2009-12-14T22:00:00.000-08:00

There were some technical difficulties with YouTube when I first put this video up. Here is it again in case you didn't get to see if the first time.

My sister Mary and I did this on a cold winter's night.

Peace,

Kelly

The great debaters.

2009-12-14T21:06:00.001-08:00

Tonight, I decided to go out to dinner with my parents, my youngest sister (Mary), my grandma, and my aunt. I love them all, but about halfway through the meal, Mary and I were reading the same expression on eachother's faces: GET ME OUT OF HERE.

Reminder to the family: I love you all. BUT, every time my dad and his sister get in a room together, it ends up looking like this:

Or maybe more like this:

OR EVEN THIS:

Okay, okay, don't panic. It MAY not have been as intense as the kittie samurais. But still, it was messy enough to send the rest of us into a state of THIS:

Therefore, I hereby make a request for my dear father and his dear older sister to, from now on, refrain from "debating" (ahem...fighting) over these topics:

Politics
Education
Health Care
Race
Wealth
Right vs. Wrong
Good vs. Evil
Ignorance vs. Genius
Vampires vs. Wolves (I just see this getting messy)

In the emergency situation where no conversation can be established, I offer these generally acceptable topic suggestions :

The weather.
The deliciousness of ice cream.
How Rhode Island is neither a road, nor an island.
How lucky they are to have me in their family.
The weather.
How great Irish people are.
The Hangover (they both like the movie)
Books (only those having nothing to do with politics, religion, health care, race, religion, right vs. wrong, ignorance vs. genius, or vampires vs. wolves)
The weather.

I'll see if anyone else in my family is willing to sign the petition. I'm sure I can at least get their five other siblings involved. What do you think? =)

Peace,

Kelly

Hibernation.

2009-12-13T13:54:00.000-08:00

I don't know what it is about December, but I always go into hiding. My friends start wondering where I am. I stay at home and wrap myself in layers of blankets, screen my calls, drink a lot of cocoa, and avoid the outside world unless completely necessary. I like winter, but I guess I only like it if I stay inside.

This hibernation has also led me to neglecting my blog. I'm surprised that the number of subscribers hasn't reduced, considering I haven't posted for some time. You guys probably thought I was dead, or in a coma. Close, but not quite. I HAVE had a cold that has decided to last a full three weeks, but I just took the last antibiotic yesterday. If it doesn't do the trick, well... at least I will be here in less than a week:

Key Largo can probably cure any cold.

Yes, I am going to Key Largo, and I am COMPLETELY ready for it. Dyke has a cousin down there, so we were able to put some money towards a flight and a rental car rather than a hotel. I have never been this south in Florida. The Keys are actually closer to Cuba than they are to the United States. AND I'll actually be touching the Atlantic Ocean. Every other Florida trip I've taken I've technically only swam in the Gulf of Mexico. So this will be a new journey for me.

I'm going to go snorkeling. I'm trying to convince Dyke to join in with me, but he has a fear of the ocean and ocean creatures. I was the one who was stung by a jellyfish when she was ten, so why is it that HE is more scared than I am? I told him if he promises to snorkel with me, I promise to skydive with him when the time comes. Yes, when I think about skydiving I almost crap my pants... but I figure thinking about the ocean and all the animals in it probably does the same for him, so it's a fair trade off.

So away we go... I can't wait.

I could write more, but guys, it's December, and I'd much rather hibernate in my house with some cocoa and pack for a warmer place. I promise I will be back in full form after the holidays. But right now, I'm lazy.

And baby, it's cold outside.

Peace,

Kelly

Dooce.

2009-12-07T19:49:00.000-08:00

Blog Find of the Year: That gem of a blog you can't believe you didn't know about until this year.

Well, I have to admit that I really didn't get into reading blogs continuously until early this year. I'd always heard my older sister mention some blog she liked about a witty, ex-Mormon mother and wife, so I finally decided to check it out.

Yes, folks, my Blog Find of the Year goes to: Dooce.com.

I know it isn't a true "find" considering it is well known at this point, but it was a find for me because I didn't get into reading it until this year.

It really is a dream job. She's been able to chronicle her life in a way that is interesting to a mass audience, probably because she is so true and raw about everything: the highs, the lows, the ups, the downs, love, sorrow, humor, randomness... it's all there. It entertains people enough that she now can support her whole family with it, and how is that not fantastic?

You can go as far back into her blog as when she was a single gal working in a cubicle and for a horrid boss (who she talked about on the blog by the way, resulting in her termination), all the way up to her life now with her geeky adorable husband and her two equally adorable daughters. Her battles with depression, religion, family, and failure are experiences to which we can all relate.

And she takes good pictures. And I love that.

Check her out.

A little bit of knowledge.

2009-12-03T21:42:00.000-08:00

ARTICLE: What's an article you read this year that blew you away?

"As everybody knows, all over the world, a little bit of knowledge can be a very entertaining thing." - Ira Glass

It wasn't an article that blew me away, it was a radio broadcast. And it didn't blow me away so much as it completely entertained me and got me thinking.

I'm an avid This American Life listener. If you've never listened to the radio show, or watched episodes of it on Showtime, you should definitely check it out. There is a theme to each episode, and a variety of stories on that theme. It has truth and beauty and sadness and humor at its core.

Episode #293 is a humorous one I particularly remember from this year. The theme: knowing too little. It focuses on childhood beliefs held onto well into adulthood, much longer than they should have been.

The show opens with a discussion of the term "modern jackass." All of us, at some point or another, try to impress people in conversation by acting like an expert on something when really, we only know the surface information. This is when we turn into the "modern jackass." For example: politics. Many people support a candidate for surface reasons and don't dig into the actual policies to which the candidate is associated. "He stands for freedom," is a common expression. What does that even mean?!

I admit it. Sometimes I'm a modern jackass. I'm sure you are, too.

The rest of the radio show focuses on invididuals who, for one reason or another, held onto childhood beliefs for way too long, only to come to embarrassing public realizations. I don't want to give the whole episode away, but I'll give you highlights of the first couple examples.

Have you heard of the Nielson Family concept? It was started by Arthur Nielson, who realized that by analyzing the television viewing habits of different households, networks could better satisfy the interests of a mass audience. One kid heard about this growing up and it stuck with him. However, he had a different perspective on what it meant. Here he is:

"Fast forward twenty years. I was talking with a friend of mine who was telling me about her friend, who was selected to be a Nielson family. And I said to her, 'Isn't it weird that they're all named Nielson?' My friend looked at me, for what seemed like a long time. Sometime during her very long pause--because of the very long pause in fact--I realized, of course they're not all named Neilson. That makes no sense at all."

Poor guy.

Another woman clearly had not divided a clear line between fantasy and reality. This is what happened to her at a party:

"It was a group of about five to seven people, kind of standing around the keg, just talking, and somehow a discussion of endangered species came up. I posed the question, 'Is the unicorn endangered or extinct?' And basically there was a big gap of silence. And then everybody laughed. And then that laughter was followed by more silence when they realized I wasn't laughing. And I was like, "Yeah, oh, god, unicorns aren't real?" Oh no."

I'm hoping that these are situations to which we can all relate (unless you are some sort of perfectly knowledgeable human being that never socializes with anyone, therefore never risking the chance of embarrassment). I know I've done it a few times, I'm sure.

When I was younger, but old enough to be past the whole sex education scene, my family was sitting around the table eating dinner. It was brought up that my younger sister Erin and a neighbor boy, Josh, were playing around that day, chasing each other in the yard, hitting each other playfully, etc. I laughed and jokingly spoke up, "Oh, it's just foreplay." My dad turned red and looked at his plate, and Caitlin (the eldest, it being her job to point out stupid mistakes) said, "Kelly, do you even know what that means?" At the time, I thought foreplay was just another word for flirting, not a word about getting hyped up and turned on for sex. There of course was an awkward silence, and I brushed it off and pushed some broccoli around on my plate. I think Caitlin filled me in later.

Luckily, I found that out before I was standing around a keg of people. Some of us are more fortunate than others.

This led to me to having a conversation with some of the students that hang out with me after school. I asked them if they had any weird ideas about life when they were younger, which they realized later were ridiculous. These were some of them:

That teachers lived at school and had no outside lives.
That a burn spot in the carpet at school meant the teachers had tried to build a fire at school to keep warm.
That they had "magic water" at home because when ice cubes were put in a glass, the water level would rise.

It was a pretty great conversation. I would love to hear you guys comment back on any weird ideas you had about the world when you were younger, or any too-late realizations you embarrassingly discovered.

Ciao!

2009 challenge.

2009-12-01T18:35:00.000-08:00

Since I didn't keep up with NaBloPoMo like I wanted to, I thought this month I would try the Best of 2009 Challenge.

It's a way of reflecting on my experiences in 2009 by responding to daily writing prompts. While there is a prompt assigned for each day, there is no requirement to do it every single day, which is nice! I'll be picking and choosing the ones I like.

I also want to throw a little twist into it. Rather than writing out my experiences, I thought I'd show some of my 2009 in pictures. I got a new camera and have captured many memories with it this year, so what better way to use them?

So here goes the first one. The prompt for December 1st:

TRIP: What was your best trip in 2009?

This one has to be a tie between my trip to Sanibel Island, Florida with my family, and the several camping trips I took with Dyke and his friends. So, without further ado, here are some memories I captured during those trips.

Sanibel Island, Florida

I love Florida for the flowers.

Pap-pa at the pool.

Beautiful wingspan.

I wanted to take him home with me.

My parents... still flying in their fifties.

Who's the palest of them all? That'd be me.

Mam-ma's always smiling.

A big guy we found in the water.

*****

Camping with Dyke & Friends:

Almost Heaven... West Virginia...

These crazies survived the rapids.

Bring on the s'mores.

Dyke with a machete. Watch out!

Searching the great unkown.

Some green amongst the brown.

Papa Tree.

Sigh. I lost my cell phone somewhere on this hill.

I guess I've got a pretty good life.

The wee hours.

2009-11-29T23:15:00.001-08:00

I definitely have been trying to go to sleep since around midnight. My body got comfortable with a completely different sleep schedule due to the two days of sickness and the four days of vacation. I think over the past couple nights I've gone to bed around 4 in the morning... which is fine when I don't have to wake up until noon.

It's a completely different story when I'm supposed to be leaving for school at 6:45 a.m.! Aaaaah!

As much as it is a problem and as much as I'll probably be a tad tired at school because of it, I've heard that it doesn't do a person any good to try to FORCE oneself into a state of slumber. So, instead I've been catching up on all the blogs I've been wanting to read, checking Facebook (like the addict that I am), and watching old episodes online of "Tim Gunn's Guide to Style" (because I love Tim Gunn and want a miniature version of him to carry around in my pocket so I can ask him advice at any moment. 'Oh, Kelly, you're fabulous!' he'd say, followed by a kiss on the cheek).

Since I'm up, I thought I'd also update my blog and give a description of my new Thanksgiving experience this year. Normally, I go to one. This year, I went to THREE. I definitely should have worn some pants with an elastic waist band because halfway through the day I was already undoing the top button. FOOD BABY to the extreme, I tell ya. I felt like the octomom.

Thanksgiving #1: Dyke's Family
Dyke and I have been dating since February, and before that we were best friends for three years. This past year I've really gotten to know more of his family and was happy to attend their Turkey Day festivities. They are sweet, and I was told by a Grandma of the family that I am very pretty and that "I look like a keeper." Dyke, of course, made a joke and said, "Thanks. I made her that way." He told me he never knows how to respond to those comments because it's not like he's responsible for how I look... and I see his point. It's kind of a funny way to compliment people. All in all, it was a good time and his family treats me well. We went around noon, and I ate one plate of food and had a bite of pie. I knew I had to save room for more.

Thanksgiving #2: My Family
We arrived around 2:00 and as usual, everyone was hanging out in the kitchen even though my parents purposely built this new house so there would be an open great room for people to hang out in during meal preparation. What is it about the kitchen that draws everyone into it, despite the size? Anyway, as usual things were running behind. Uncle Dave talked and talked and talked about beer brewing and bands, Mam-Ma gave me a wet kiss on the cheek, Erin ran around making pies and rolls and whatever else it is she does, Mary forced me to try her cheese ball, Pap-Pa tried to steal sweets from everyone, Dad was loud and boisterous and turned into a caveman when the turkey appeared, Hannah was pampered because she is the new baby of the family, Uncle David and Uncle Larry rooted for Green Bay, and so on and so on. If Caitlin had been there, there probably would have been some sort of battle in the kitchen between her and Erin and who was getting to make which pie and for how long and in which oven (we missed you Caitlin!). Unlike everyone else in my family, my mom was relaxed and at ease and drinking wine. I don't know how all of her children got the anxious gene my dad carries, but I envy her. I ate another plate of food, had a piece of apple pie, and then Dyke and I played some Uno with the cousins.

Thanksgiving #3: Cliffy and Mags
Cliffy and Mags are friends of Dyke's. They were having a post-Thanksgiving get together at their house that, of course, involved another entire Thanksgiving meal. I changed into jeans only to regret it because I couldn't keep them from squeezing my guts uncomfortably after all that food. Even though I was full, I managed to snack on a bit of mac and cheese. It was Thanksgiving, and I had to be a glutton, it was required. So I did that, and then of course had to lie down and not move for the rest of the night.

I've noticed since then that all my jeans are a bit tighter, and I hope the weight of this one day will not force me to go out and buy an entire new wardrobe due to my expanded behind. We'll see.

I guess I'll try to sleep now. Wish me luck.

Jump around.

2009-11-29T14:27:00.000-08:00

My little sister Mary is on break right now, and she came over to spend the night. We were restless, so this is what we did with our time:

If the video won't play, here is the direct LINK.

A case of the crazies.

2009-11-27T11:36:00.000-08:00

Over the past few days I've definitely had a case of the crazies. Here is my own personal definition:

The Crazies [the krey-zees) noun - a deranged and impractical guilt which results from a minimum of two days isolation as a result of sickness, a recent fixation on a major life change, a lack of anything to do, and an obsession with perfection.

Tuesday and Wednesday I stayed home from school due to the fact that my body was fighting off some sort of scratchy throat demon causing me to sound like a man and cough like a dying cat (which it still is fighting off a bit, by the way. Fun times). During this time, I forced myself to stay in bed, but of course... I couldn't just SIT there. Instead, I watched way too many episodes of Dexter and The L Word, and also repeatedly looked online at the house I'm potentially buying, looked up potential furniture, looked up potential local restaurants and bars, and basically dreamed up the entire next chapter of my life. It was like crack.

Then of course, after staying in bed for so long and after allowing an obsession with the future to seep into my into my mind, a horrible guilt flooded my soul. I was feeling guilty because 1) I stayed in bed when I was sick, and 2) because I was happy and excited about something and nothing was stressing me out. Ridiculous, right? Not really things I should feel guilty about, yes? But I did.

For some reason, when everything is going well for me, when I let good things cloud my thoughts, or when I let a day pass when I don't specifically do something "productive," I start to feel bad. As I've mentioned before, when I'm not stressed out about something, I feel like I'm not doing enough or not living enough. Then, I get into this even more ridiculous state where I start beating myself up over any little thing I've done slightly wrong or selfishly recently in order to make myself feel bad, as a sort of punishment. It's messed up!!!! Where's my straight-jacket?!

My dad blames himself when I talk to him about this. After all, he is very much the same way. If he sleeps in too much, or he relaxes too much in one day without doing anything to occupy his time, he beats himself up about it, too. I guess I just inherited that trait. On family vacations, my dad is known for his constant berating for us to get off our butts and stop relaxing, to get out and do something and have FUN on vacation. Mandatory fun time, we call it. He only recently has been able to let up on it a little. I think he and I are both realizing how ridiculous it all is.

Where did this habit develop? I want to find the original person who decided this was a good way to live and give him a good punch in the face. Is it the Catholic guilt passed down from generation to generation on my father's side of the family? Who knows. I was taught to feel bad about a lot of the stuff I now do these days, so maybe that's an underlying part of it. Either way, it's a part of me that I need to release.

Before my boyfriend left for work today he gave me a hug and said, "Now, don't stress out because you don't have anything to do today." Then he gave me a pat on the back.

He knows me too well.

Dyke's duck.

2009-11-23T19:37:00.000-08:00

This entry is dedicated to Dyke, who for a long time told me that I must see the movie Howard the Duck, simply because it was one of the classic cheesy science fiction action adventures of the 80's, along with Back to the Future and the like.

Well, Dyke, it was no Back to the Future...at least from what I could tell, because I was tired and fell asleep before I saw the ending.

However, I must say that I was happy to find out that this wasn't some randomly created script about a duck from outer space, but rather was a result of a comic book that started the original ridiculous idea. Why George Lucas decided to put so much money into a film such as this, I don't know (Eric, I'd love to hear your opinion of the movie.)

I really didn't loathe it. In fact, I love a good pun every now and then, and you can imagine how many times I "quacked up" at a few of them. I do love that Howard was a horny son of a bird, and I also like that the Principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off turned into a nasty bug monster.

So now I've seen it, or at least I've seen most of it. My rating: eh. That's what I say to it. Eh.

I guess I'm more of an early 90's kid. The Mighty Ducks blows the feathers off this one. (though, some will always differ in opinion).

Quack. Quack. QUACK. QUACK! QUACK!!!

Back from the dead.

2009-11-22T08:18:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone! I am BACK FROM THE DEAD.

I think after failing at the NaBloPoMo thing, I decided I'd give myself a little hiatus from the daily writing. It really was a LOT harder than I thought it would be. Now I know what I'll be getting myself into if I sign up for it again. They do it every month, so maybe I'll try it again in the summer, when I have more time on my hands.

I've been busy. Remember way back when, when I mentioned Invisible Children? Well, the roadies ended up coming to our school and doing a presentation, and it was great! I let them stay at my house the night before and treated them to some homemade pizza (made by the boyfriend of course, not me). It felt great to be hosting again, and was really reminiscent of couchsurfing, so I MUST get into it again once I get my own place.

I also went through the whole process of getting a realtor, and getting pre-approved for a loan (YAY!). I have great credit and no debt, so they said I'm set. I'm not looking for a house any more than $125,000, even though they say I could go much higher. THAT is partially why our economy is in such a mess, because people buy more than they should just because they CAN. I'm going to play it safe. I'm looking at houses today! There are some cute historic ones downtown, and I'm pumped up.

I also had my third paid photography job, and I'm thinking now I at least have enough decent pictures to get the photography website going. My friend Justin is going to help me. I hope to have it up and running by summer so I can start a summer career out of it.

Thanksgiving Day is coming up, and I MUST write an entry soon about my family. They are hilarious, and there is a wide spectrum of personalities that show up on Turkey Day, and it is always an interesting experience.

My next entry will be dedicated to a movie Dyke made me watch. I'll be back soon. Wanted to let you know I'm alive!!! Expect more entries more often!

Tsk tsk.

2009-11-14T14:55:00.000-08:00

I know, I know. Where did I go? I messed up and got too busy to post a daily entry. Hey, I tried. I've learned that NaBloPoMo is a lot more challenging than I thought. I didn't want to cheat and post another random video of something just to get my entry in.

I also learned that it is very satisfying to post more consistently, so even if I don't do it every day I will try to do it more often than I did before.

I took some more pictures today. I'll put some up in my next post.

I hope you aren't too disappointed in me.

The deal. (NaBloPoMo Entry #11)

2009-11-11T16:39:00.000-08:00

According to my boyfriend and his friends, there is a certain word in the English language that can be used for pretty much anything:

"Deal."

Not a day goes by when I don't hear one of them using it in a sentence, and while it is always a very broad reference, they always seem to know what each separate "deal" exactly is. Below is a list of common phrases I hear used among Dyke and his friends.

Substitute the word with whatever other word you see fit.

1. "What's the deal with tonight?"

2. "I'm going to go over and deal up the old lady."

3. "I'm going to put this stuff in the deal after it cooks completely."

4. "She's got some deal going on and can't make it."

5. "Dude, what's your deal today?"

6. "She deals in the dry cleaning business."

7. "I cleaned up your deal for you while you were gone."

8. "There's some deal going on today so he's in a mood."

9. "Can you deal me up with that chick, man?"

10. "Deal's a deal. Take the deal, or you have to deal with the deal."

Okay, so that last one is a bit exaggerrated. But, they do have this deal with the word "deal," and it really could be dealt with in any sentence.

So that's the deal.

Couchsurfing, part 2. (NaBloPoMo Entry #10)

2009-11-10T20:17:00.000-08:00

Besides continuing with the Couchsurfing story I started in the last entry, I'll also summarize some of the fabulous times I have had as a Couchsurfing host while living in Bloomington, IN. My roommate Lindsay and I (the same one I went on the road trip with) decided we'd try hosting some people in our little home on Roosevelt St. We got a wide variety of visitors. I'll cover our first experience here, and then continue with the North Carlina story.

Hosting Session 1: Elin and Traveena

The second Elin and Traveena showed up at our door I knew they were going to be up for anything. Traveling without a car, they managed to get a lift to Columbus, IN from another host. From there, they went around with their bags at a gas station until they were able to find a guy willing to let them hitchhike with him to Bloomington. They offered to pay him, but all he ended up asking for were some coins from both of their countries (Sweden and New Zealand).

Wanting to be gracious guests, Elin and Traveena also brought with them a bottle of fruit punch flavored Boone's Farm as a token of appreciation. They had no idea what Boone's Farm was, but decided it looked good, so that's what they got. We loved telling them how overly sweet and cheap the drink was, and of course opened it up and let them try it.

We learned that they'd become friends while working at a summer camp in Texas, and after finishing the summer decided to road trip around the country together. I can't remember where they'd been, but I believe we were their first official Couchsurfing hosts. Before their visit with us, they'd been staying with people they happened to know throughout the different states. By chance, they heard about the website, and jumped on the opportunity to meet some friendly strangers while on their adventure.

They said they were up for doing anything, so Lindsay and I ended up taking them to our favorite local bar, The Bluebird. It was Wednesday, and it was 15 cent pint night, so they were able to get a lot for the little bit of money they had with them. The band playing was called The Pop Tart Monkeys, and as the night went on, we became the most central group of dancers on the floor of the bar. Traveena and Lindsay both developed crushes on different members of the band, and we ended up getting their drumsticks, an autographed drum cover, and bunch of hilarious pictures.

We stopped and got some pizza on the way home, and stayed up late reviewing the pictures we'd taken, laughing about the whole situation. Traveena and Elin had so much fun that they stayed with us another night. A year later, Traveena even came back and stayed with us again, and of course... we relived The Bluebird experience.

***

And now, a continuation of the North Carolina surfing adventure:

(continued from the previous post...)

The next day Lindsay and I explored Asheville—walking around the adorable downtown with its artsy corner shops and street musicians. With no set schedule, we went where our feet took us. The Biltmore Mansion, the most famous tourist draw in Asheville, was too cliché for us, but we did drive by the gate. Excited to see something besides flat landscape, just driving within the smoky mountains was enough to thrill us. We didn’t get back to the house until that evening, after eating at a delicious local Mexican restaurant with extremely spicy food (It was called Salsa’s. I recommend it if you can handle heat. My mouth was burning and I think I chugged my margarita a little too fast).

We were both exhausted and were thinking of crashing early just to get some energy for the following day’s drive to Florida. Lindsay was yawning and curled up on the floor mattress, and I sat at my laptop sending some emails out to friends. Then Cory came in and threw out an idea. “Some of us are heading out tonight to one of the bars. There are a couple other couchsurfers in town that are meeting up there, too. You guys up for it?” I was pretty tired, and I knew Lindsay was, so I started explaining our exhaustion to Cory when Lindsay piped in.

“Yeah, I definitely want to do something, I’m restless. Sure, we’ll go!” After Cory left the room, I looked at her with a sly smile. Just a moment ago she had explained how tired of a state she was in. At the time, I was dating someone back home, but Lindsay was as available as available could be. I think she saw an opportunity open itself up before her. Cory was cute—he was strange, but cute. So, of course, we went.

*****
The sound of muffled bluegrass music seeped into the outside air as we walked towards Jack of the Wood pub. Once inside, the quick-paced fiddling hit my ears with full force. We were in Appalachian country, for sure.

Wooden tables and benches lined up against the far right wall, and a large aged bar acted as the room’s centerpiece. The musicians to our left continued to play and stomp away, while a gathering of ten to fifteen people stood watching, drinking their pints and smiling, the brave ones dancing an attempted jig.
Lindsay and I got our beers, selections from the local Green Man Ales, and sat. I love to people watch when I can, so I didn’t mind spending most of the time as a voyeur to the scene around me, sucking it all up in my senses so I wouldn’t forget it. Lindsay chatted it up with Brandon and Cory, and a couple of other guys eventually joined us—one of them a couchsurfing host, the other a surfer.
As expected when one drinks a few beers on a pretty empty stomach, I became very content with my surroundings and myself over the next hour or so. My senses were bleeding together—the beer, the music, the dark wood, the low lighting—and I found myself in a daze of smiling, so much that my cheeks ached. “Hey, I think there was supposed to be a drag show tonight at another bar. We should go!” Cory said, looking at all of us with anticipation. Brandon, who remained silent, looked hesitant. At some point we must have all decided to go for it, though, because all of a sudden I was in a line with my ID out, waiting to be let in to "Scandals"—self-dubbed “the hippest, most fabulous, exciting, almighty dance club in the history of the world.” For boys.

Unfortunately we’d missed the drag show, but the night was still young and active. The club was dark, but the flashing colored strobe lights reflecting off the aluminum bar and walls gave enough luminosity to keep me from running into anything. I vaguely remember getting a drink from a tight t-shirt at the bar, and then walking over with Lindsay to a stand among the many men among us, again trying to saturate the experience. Brandon got a drink and stood awkwardly off to the side, while his brother Cory took the center floor and began gyrating to the beats, his curls dancing with him in all directions. Eventually, under a bit of persuasion, Lindsay and I finished our drinks and took to the floor as well, making fools of ourselves, but too mentally and physically free to care.
The rest of the night comes in flashes, like a roll of photographs in my memory. Image one: Cory stripping off his white t-shirt and humping the air on the stage of the bar. Image two: Lindsay swaying and giggling outside, swallowed up in Brandon’s giant furry coat creature. Image three: Flying pellets from toy guns in the hippie kitchen. Image four: Hiding from pellet-guns on the floor mattress. Image five: Finally falling asleep as the sun comes up.

To be continued...

Couchsurfing. (NaBloPoMo Entry #9)

2009-11-09T19:07:00.000-08:00

For those of you who already know me, you are probably completely sick of hearing about Couchsurfing. But for those of you who don't know me, get excited... because I'm about to tell you about a way to have a unique, exciting, spontaneous, safe, yet affordable adventure while traveling. Couchsurfing, to put it simply, rocks my socks.

The world is smaller than you think... at least that is what is said by past and present participants of Couchsurfing.org. The website allows you to search the globe according to your destination of choice and find locals who are willing to host complete strangers in their homes. Many hosts not only provide a roof over your head, but also take you around town and show you the local sites. You get your own personal travel guide, and get this... IT'S ALL FREE.

And safe, too. The website has different levels of verification, as well as visible reviews from past encounters with the hosts and travelers. Think that Johnny guy asking you for a place to stay seems a bit shady? No worries... just see his past experiences, talk to some of his previous hosts, and if you still feel uneasy, you don't have to host him. It's all up to you.

The same goes for the opposite situation. Going into one's home can be a bit intimidating, especially when you have no idea who the person is. If you think their lifestyles are too different from yours and you find out that they only will let you sleep in the backyard, you can hunt around for someone else. There are usually so many options, and most of them good, that it is hard to narrow down a decision.

I have been a Couchsurfing host as well as a Couchsurfing traveler. Not once have I had a negative experience. Some people I bonded with more than others of course, but everyone was polite, hospitable, friendly, and open to new experiences. Everyone involved in Couchsurfing knows that the goal is simply "creating a better world, one couch at a time." It's all about the peace and the love, and that is just what I'm about, too.

And on that note, I'll share with you a story I started up sometime ago about my first Couchsurfing experience as a traveler. My former roommate Lindsay and I went to on a Spring Break road trip, and one of our stops was a Couchsurfing visit in Asheville, North Carolina. The first section of the story is below. I'll add to it later:

*********

We pulled up to their house in Asheville, North Carolina, and we were both afraid to get out the car. Crazy from being stuck in such a small space since our leave from Bloomington, Indiana, we were in a fit of giggles. Lindsay’s nerves were also getting to her in more ways than one, and coming out in the form of gas. Trying not to piss my pants from laughter, we both stepped out and went towards the front door.
Right away, we could tell the house was odd. Random weeds and plants grew all around the front yard. Odd stone statues covered in overgrown vegetation watched us as we climbed the steps. Their door was ancient, with different colored glass forming a mosaic square in the upper center. Below this was a sign hanging that read, “Please ring the doorbell.”
“I can’t do it!” Lindsay was still bent over with gassy discomfort, laughing, her eyes big and looking at me, pleading.
“No way,” I said. I stood back and refused. As much as we had hosted people ourselves, it was different to think of being the guests.
“Fiiiine,” she sighed. Lindsay pushed the doorbell button, and we both screamed. As soon as her finger went on the button, a massively loud air-horn blow came out from who knows where, sending us jumping and flying back from the porch. Laughing hysterically again, and barely catching our breath, the door opened, and young guy with curly hair, also laughing, told us to come on in. It was Cory.
“That never gets old,” he said, smiling and shaking his head.
The inside of the house matched the randomness of the outside, and right away, I liked it. The main living space to our right had an assortment of furniture like one you’d see at a flea market: random couch, iron-rod chair, another random couch. The walls were adorned with eclectic paintings, artistic statues and knick-knacks rested on the mantel, along with some didgeridoos, banjos, and guitars leaning against a back corner.
Cory led us into the next room, the kitchen, where a hustle and bustle of dinner preparation was taking place. Five or six people were standing around or sitting, and they all looked like they had stepped out of 1967 San Francisco. One girl, I think, even had flowers in her hair. They stared as Lindsay and I walked in, a few politely said hello, and a few just nodded or stared. “Here, I’ll show you where you’ll sleep,” Cory beckoned, and we followed him through the kitchen to the next room. As I passed through the kitchen, I looked at their spice rack. There was a small jar of baby snakes next to the garlic powder.
It was a tiny space, practically a hallway with a small extension. A mattress sat on the floor underneath a loft, which happened to be covered with a weird red and black faux-fur blanket. The rest of the space had walls decorated with African masks, and I think I even remember a machete hanging somewhere.
“It’s a bit small, but this is where we have people stay. You guys can squeeze together on the mattress, or maybe one of you can sleep with a bag on the floor. You can also use the couch in other room if you want. Want some good, local North Carolina beer?”
We drank our beers and unpacked while the rest of the crowd hung out in the kitchen. We couldn’t stop laughing; it was a nervous reaction to the uncomfortable situation in which we found ourselves. Then another guy walked in—he kind of looked like Jesus.
“Hey, I’m Brandon. Cory’s brother.” He was thinner and quieter than Cory, but the coat he wore was rather loud. It was made of the same furry fabric that matched the blanket covering our loft. Attached to it was a hood, so long that it came to a point almost at the floor. “We’re going to make a fire out back tonight if you guys want to join us. Help yourself to some more beers."
That night, we really got to know the people of the house. There is something about a fire that brings out the ridiculousness in everyone. One guy, with long blond dreads, brought out his banjo and played it horribly. He was soon joined by Brandon’s didgeridoo and Cory’s drumming on the bottom of a large empty tub. The youngest girl of the bunch, influenced by the many beers she’d swallowed, began moaning an off-key chant to the haphazard rhythm being produced around the fire circle. At one point I thought I heard someone make a bird noise, only to find out that a pet chicken lived in a small pen on the other side of the backyard.
The sensory overload eventually made us tired, and Lindsay and I stumbled back to our sad little mattress. We settled in for the night, her head at one end and mine at the other. Pulling the fuzzy blanket down over the loft, we made a tent and fell asleep in our own little corner—our own little corner of this North Carolina nuthouse.

To be continued...

Mystique. (NaBloPoMo Entry #8)

2009-11-08T16:42:00.003-08:00

I wanted to show all of you a really awesome Halloween costume I saw this year. My friend Magdalene sews, and she decided to be Mystique from X-Men. This is what she came up with:

Pretty awesome, yes? Together we looked like we could kick some arse:

I'm having a 1920's themed New Year's Party... I think I'm going to make her sew my flapper dress.

House hunting. (NaBloPoMo Entry # 7)

2009-11-07T19:02:00.000-08:00

I recently found out that the $8000 tax credit for home buyers has now been extended until April of this next year. Do you know how awesome this is?!

I've been debating whether or not I should even consider house hunting, but now that the extension has been made, I think it is definitely in my plan. I am SO pumped up. It is a great time to buy because there are a lot of reduced price homes out there.

My own place. That I OWN. I can't wait.

P.S. I had not slept yesterday when I made my post, so TECHNICALLY I think it should still count as a valid entry. Either way, I'm going to try to keep going with the daily blog. You will notice that some entries are rather short. Forgive me for not always having a lot to say. I will do my best to keep it interesting!

FAIL. (NaBloPoMo Entry #6)

2009-11-07T00:03:00.000-08:00

Technically, I have just now failed the NaBloPoMo challenge because it is just past midnight.

Enjoy the show. (NaBloPoMo Entry #5)

2009-11-05T19:28:00.000-08:00

Tonight I came upon a website I am really excited about. Often, I'll be in the mood to watch a movie, but will go to the video store and not find anything that fits my exact cinematic desire. From now on, I know I can turn to Jinni.com to find a movie that fits the genre, plot, time period, and mood I want (plus more).

It's better than Netflix. Netflix had a lot of repeated recommendations and not as many categories. Jinni.com is currently doing what is called the "Movie Genome Project" where they scientifically, with a certain amount of data, try to match up recommendations to one's specific tastes. It's the Pandora.com of movies. AWESOME.

For example, say I am in the mood for an independent, mind-bending, witty friendship film. Jinni narrowed it down to three specific films for me: Following, Brick, and Orlando.

Or, let's say, I am in the mood for a period film in England involving a love triangle. Jinni gave me Jane Eyre, Sense and Sensibility, The End of the Affair, Tipping the Velvet, and many more.

Or, just for kicks, say I want a humorous action adventure movie with a master villain and a rescue. Jinni says I should watch Stargate SG-1, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Superman II for starters.

I could go on forever. This blog entry really does make it sound like I'm being paid to promote Jinni, but I promise you, it's ALL ME. I don't have to wander the aisles of the video store with a feeling of hopelessness.

Again, all I can say is AWESOME. Jinni, I love you.

When all else fails. (NaBloPoMo Entry #4)

2009-11-04T19:31:00.001-08:00

So tired, and I'm going to bed. When all else fails, show a laughing baby:

On the road again. (NaBloPoMo Entry #3)

2009-11-03T17:21:00.000-08:00

I know I'm going to get tired of this daily blog posting attempt after this first week, but for now it is a great distraction from a million other things I should probably be doing, so I'm not going to complain.

My older sister finishes college this year and we want to celebrate by taking a cross-county road trip this summer. However, rather than going to all the typical touristy spots, we want to hit as many ridiculous roadside novelties as we can. For example: the World's Largest Ball of Twine in Cawker City, Kansas, or the Toilet Seat Art Museum in San Antonio, Texas.

There is something fabulous and comforting about such pointless and unnecessary objects throughout the American landscape. In a way, I see them as epitomes of the American Dream. I'm pretty sure when our ancestors came over on the boats, they had certain ideas about what it would take to be successful. "We'll be bankers!" some said. "We'll be gangsters!" said some others. I don't think any of them said "We'll build a giant lady's leg sundial in Roselawn, Indiana!" Oh, how proud they would be of you, Alois Knapp, you nudist stud, you. Oh, how proud.

Nowhere else in the world could such success come from such a pointless source. That's America, for ya! Let's just hope these novelties don't become chains.

Oh no! They already have! I thought there was only ONE World's Largest Ball of Twine?!?

Getting real. (NaBloPoMo Entry #2)

2009-11-02T18:30:00.000-08:00

I realized today that I definitely sometimes do things because I think I'm supposed to love doing them, or that I should love doing them because I want to be the type of person that loves doing them. Confused yet?

I am going to get real. Here is a list of things I am finally admitting I don't love, even though I wish I was the type of person who did:

1. Cooking. When I have to make something myself, I'd rather just push a button. I love a fancy finished product, but I'd rather have someone else do it (this is where the boyfriend comes in handy).

2. Lecturing/Teaching a big class. I've found that while I love to teach, most of my satisfaction is coming from small group interaction or one-on-one instructional conversations. If all class sizes in high schools were reduced by half, I think there would be an immense improvement in student performance. I feel like I don't ever get the chance to get to know my students when I teach over thirty of them in a fifty minute period. I still like doing it, but I love small groups more.

3. Writing deep poetry. I've tried, but I've decided I just don't get it or have fun with it unless it is something Shel Silverstein-esque.

4. Dave Matthews Band. I think for awhile I tried to get into it, and I even like a few songs on the nineties albums, but I don't really get what the big deal is.

5. Exercise. I've tried to get into pilates, yoga, running, jogging, stretching, swimming, etc. and I never love it enough to keep it up. The only good exercise is exercise that doesn't feel like a chore (hiking, for instance, or ultimate frisbee. I guess I need to do that more).

6. Strong martinis. I can't handle strong liquor, and it makes me sad, because those dirty martinis with the olives look so classy. But I can't drink them with out making a squished up face.

7. 30 Rock. I guess I'll have to force myself to watch a full episode sometime, but the humor in it seems so forced, and it doesn't appeal to me.

8. South Park. Moments here and there are still humorous, but for me it is past the point of being funny and now the main goal is to mock and offend. I liked it when I was in 7th grade and it was about fart jokes and anal probes.

9. Being domestic. I guess this kind of goes along with the cooking thing, but I really don't feel like my place is in the home. I don't like to clean, cook, do laundry, vacuum, etc. I'd much rather make the money, mow the grass, kill the spiders, fix the broken appliances, and drink the beer while the man wears the apron.

10. Politics. More and more I'm realizing that it's all a big show, and while I'll still have opinions on the issues, it's all slowly fading from my interest.

There.

Are you upset that I'm not a cooking, lecturing, deep writing, DMB loving, exercising, martini-drinking, 30 Rock/South Park watching, domestically and politically active woman of today?

If you are, I'm sorry. I sometimes really wish I loved some of these things, but I just don't. There's reality for ya.

The thrifty gene. (NaBloPoMo Entry #1)

2009-11-01T18:06:00.000-08:00

I definitely have a food baby right now. Ever heard of that expression? I'm sure you've had one before. It's when you eat so much food that your stomach physically extends out more than its typical circumference, forming a temporary belly similar to that of pregnancy. A typical symptom is the need to unbutton one's pants, followed with a loud sigh and rub on the gut. I definitely have a food baby right now. Luckily, though, I'm wearing elastic pajama pants.

Today was Sunday, and Dyke didn't work until five, so we definitely used the morning to sleep in and then, of course, order too much Chinese food for the two of us. I had some crab rangoon, some vegetable lo mein, and the "Buddhist Delight" which is a big mix of vegetables (For the most part I've given up seafood as well, but I still can't say goodbye to crab rangoon or sushi, so I'm still considered a "pescetarian" I suppose).

But that just formed my early afternoon food baby. Later on, I came home, and for dinner I mixed together a corn and black bean salad and ate it with tortilla chips. The problem is that, because I live alone, the amount of food I make is always too much for me. I continued to eat the stuff way past the point when I should have, so now my second food baby of the day has appeared.

Awhile back my sister, Caitlin, gave me the book The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan. Before school started I was pretty dedicated to reading it, but with a busier schedule the book moved down on my list of priorities. I find it very coincidental that I picked this book up again after my day of the dual food babies.

I just read a passage that very much relates to my situation today. In Chapter 6, Pollan discusses the American consumer and the "Republic of Fat" we live in these days:

"One might think that people would stop eating and drinking these gargantuan portions as soon as they felt full, but it turns out hunger doesn't work that way. Researchers have found that people (and animals) presented with large portions will eat up to 30 percent more than they would otherwise. Human appetite, it turns out, is surprisingly elastic, which makes excellent evolutionary sense: It behooved our hunter-gatherer ancestors to feast whenever the opportunity presented itself, allowing them to build up reserves of fat against future famine. Obesity researchers call this trait the 'thrifty gene.' And while the gene represents a useful adaptation in an environment of food scarcity and unpredictability, it's a disaster in an environment of fast-food abundance, when the opportunity to feast presents itself 24/7. Our bodies are storing reserves of fat against a famine that never comes."

I've always been a good eater. My mother tells me I was one of those kids who always cleared her plate, and ate all the vegetables offered to me. She also, however, presented her children with manageable portion sizes that fit our physical needs. These days, I still think like I did when I was younger, and I always have the urge to clear that plate of food. The problem is that restaurant portion sizes these days are ridiculously huge, and even when I cook at home, the amount created is always enough for two or more people.

End result: mutliple food babies.

We live in the era of the food baby. When I have kids, I feel like they are going to look back on this generation and notice two things:

1)How every teen film this decade involves some sort of awkward teenage boy (either too thin or too fat) with a personality matching the likes of Michael Cera in... well... everything he does.

2) How fat and unhealthy we were.

This "Thrifty Gene" clearly comes in handy for fast food companies, who developed the whole Super-Size idea when they realized people wanted to eat more, but were reluctant to buy more than one small fry, or more than one burger, for fear of being looked upon as a glutton. Now I can go with my family to the movie theater, and instead of having to get refills on our massive sodas and bucket of popcorn, we can eat until we are about to burst and have as many food babies as we want. I can eat all I want, and way more than I need to, without having to ask for more and looking like a fatty. It's perfect!

And perfectly self-destructible. So this month, while I try to reach my NaBloPoMo goal and write an entry every day, I will also watch myself a bit more closely and see if I can avoid a food baby for a month. I even might try to give up Taco Bell... the one fast food restaurant I'm struggling to give up.

I think they put crack in the beans.

Halloween Highlights.

2009-10-31T12:55:00.000-07:00

My boyfriend went as the Miller High Life guy this Halloween. Fitting, yes? I also helped him out with some zombie make-up today, before he went to work.

Here I am as Medusa. My headpiece turned out amazingly well!!!

Have I turned you to stone?!

Taking shape.

2009-10-28T21:08:00.000-07:00

I'm working on my Medusa headpiece for Halloween. It is coming alive as we speak. After this, I'm going to spray paint it gold. I'll update the image on Friday, when I'm in full costume!

NaBloPoMo.

2009-10-28T14:00:00.000-07:00

Ready to hear a lot more from me? I've decided to commit myself to NaBloPoMo, otherwise known as National Blog Posting Month. The goal is to post something to my blog every day in November. This will either bring more readers to my wee little space in world wide web land, or scare them away because of the forced random content that may sometimes appear here as a result of writer's block. I'll do my best to keep it somewhat relevant and entertaining!

I originally had only heard of NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. Last school year, my creative writing students participated. Every day, for a month, I hovered over them in a computer lab, trying to get them to squeeze out every little bit they could in order to reach their word count goals. It was rough, but I knew it was a success when some of them told me it was the longest thing they'd ever written in their lives.

So here I am, trying to do something similar myself. It's not a novel, but it's a start. I always wanted to find the time last year to do the creative writing projects with my students, but considering so much of time was spent on lesson planning, calling parents, and trying not to go crazy, I never found an opportunity to fulfill that desire.

Be ready! On November 1st, the adventure begins!

Guest post.

2009-10-27T15:37:00.000-07:00

This entry has been written by Ari, the author of the Happy Cactus blog. The 20 Something Bloggers group assigned each of us to a partner. I'm writing an entry on her blog, and she's writing one on mine. Check out her site when you get the chance. Enjoy!

***

Hello! I’m Ari from The Happy Cactus. I’m a twenty-something, graphic designing divorcé that lives in North Alabama with my rambunctious German Shepherd and I love my life.

And I love Halloween. I love everything about it – pumpkins, haunted houses, candy corn, costumes . . . all of it. This past weekend my mom, step-dad, and I went on the newly created Haunted Huntsville Ghost Walk. It’s supposed to be about an hour long walk around Olde Towne with a bit of history and some cute stories about the random specters that reside in some of the houses. Supposed to be.

Ours was 2.5hrs. trip through history with a long winded tour guide who was dressed as a Confederate solider who was way too excited about his job.

Here’s a little background about Huntsville – its one of the oldest towns in Alabama, located about 30 min. from the Tennessee border. We’re a military and space town. Remember Space Camp? Yeah. I can see it from my office window. Before the military base came here, we were a cotton town with 5 mills. We surrendered to the Union troops as soon as they set foot in our city limits.

So, this being a Southern military town, most of our ghosts are apparently from the Civil War. There were a few old South debutant women, a fair number of creepy kids, and a disgruntled former slave. They were kinda exciting but overall, I was rather disappointed. The history was cool, but I wanted some better ghosts. So I did some research of my own and found two places that you have to check out if you ever make it to the Rocket City.

1. Dead Children’s Playground. This is just as creepy as it sounds. Personally, I’ve only walked up to it before I got too scared and turned around. We have a large old cemetery on the edge of Olde Towne – anyone who was anyone in Huntsville is buried here (we even have a section of Confederate soldiers). Behind the cemetery is a neighborhood park, and the legend is that all the children who are buried in cemetery go here at night and play. You can hear kids laughing and see the swings moving. Its creeeeppppyyyy!

2. Hell House. This is an old home that has now been divided into 4 2 bedroom apartments. Personally, I’ve never been here, but I do have friends that have lived there. There have been 11 suicides committed in this house. The stories that my friends have told me include couches shaking, doors unlocking and opening, and balloons parading around the house. I really want to stay the night here – but I don’t know anyone who currently lives here.

So there you, a little bit of spookiness and some local legends to start off your Halloween week!

- Ari

Pee-Paw & Num-Nums.

2009-10-21T18:52:00.000-07:00

This entry is dedicated to my Mam-Ma and Pap-Pa, commonly referred to by my friend Eric as "Pee-Paw & Num-Nums." They are my mother's parents, and they are adorable. Here is my Pap-Pa in a picture from a recent trip to Florida. Notice that his ears and nose continue to grow with age:

Here is Mam-Ma, holding a baby. She's always holding a baby or giving you a wet kiss (or both at the same time, accompanied by a cooing noise):

Near the end of this summer I finally took the time to start interviewing them about their lives. I sat down with them in their aged Indianapolis home, which smells of Vanilla Wafers and afghan blankets (it's actually a lovely smell), and told them to start talking.

Since then, I've been working on typing up the interviews. We'll be continuing the project tomorrow when I take a road trip with both of them to good ol' Salem, Indiana. Rather than just talk about the memories, I hope to take photographs of the run-down one room schoolhouse my Pap-Pa went to as a child, and possibly visit the creek where my Mam-Ma first went skinny-dipping. Maybe we'll even find where the old roller-skating rink was (it's where they met).

They really do have a lot to tell. Both of them were born WAM! right in midst of that giant economic gut-punch we call the Great Depression. Growing up with very little in their pockets, they compensated for the lack of wealth with the joy they found in simple pleasures, their dedication to hard work, and their active imaginations. Such a generation will not be around much longer, and I want to capture it as best I can while I still have the chance.

Look for more entries dedicated to Pee-Paw & Num-Nums. I'll leave you with excerpts from both of their interviews.

Pap-Pa's Interview (talking about part of his life on the farm):

"So I was about 5 years old, and noontime came, and they’d have their lunch with ‘em, and my dad would put me on the tractor and I’d drive the tractor around the field when they wanted to, and when they were done eating lunch and everything, he’d come back and take over. And I remember one time, my dad—in the back of the farm there were some trees and roots and things he wanted to clear out. He was down there, and my brothers were diggin' around, getting these trees kind of loosed… and I kept aggravating my dad to let me pull the tractor down there. Now this tractor didn’t have rubber tires on it, it had lugs on it, and I threw my coat over the lugs, and to start it I had to set the crank and I had to get up on top of it and jump down to get it turned. And it started, and I ran over my jacket, and I backed down to where they was at. And let’s see, that was when I was about five or six-years-old, or something.

"But, my Dad always let me do things. I can’t hardly figure out why. Only thing I can figure is that he might have had me do so much in my life, is that I had a brother older than I was, that fell off a wagon, and dad ran over him and broke both of his legs. And, at my grandparents house they had two poles coming from the ceiling to hold his legs up. And they healed—it was a funny way they’d done it. But anyway, then after Lloyd, they had a boy named Bruce that died eight days after he was born, because of a blood disease, a blood problem. And then I came along… and I guess he kind of felt that he’d kind of take care of me a little more."

Now, an excerpt from Mam-Ma's interview (discussing her fun summer days with her cousin):

"I grew up with a very happy childhood. I kind of had the best of both worlds because my cousin Shirley and I were just about the same age, and her grandparents lived on a farm just about five miles south of Salem. So I grew up in a small town, and yet I was at the farm an awful lot because of her, so I had a lot of fun farm experiences, too.

"She always had horses, so I got to ride horses, and she usually had a pony. It started out with a pony named Dixie, and it was the sweetest little thing. If you fell off, she would immediately stop and stand there ‘til you got back on. And let’s see. Shirley had one horse named Dandy, and she had a baby. I can remember us sitting up in the barn saying, 'Now what are we going to name her?' And at that time, Flicka was popular, so the colt’s name turned out to be Flicka.

"And we had a lot of fun out there. We used to play hide-and-go-seek. Some of the neighbor kids out near the farm would come over and we’d play hide-and-go-seek in the barn. And we had a lot of good times. There was a little creek down below and we would go down there and play in the water—pretend we were mermaids. We were close to a big river, too. So, we would go down there and they had an old swimming hole.

"I remember one time just Shirley and I were down there, and we were under the bridge, and we thought, 'Well, wouldn’t it be fun to just take off our bathing suits and swim in the nude?' So we did! We hung our bathing suits on a branch (laughs) and splashed around and had a good time. We were close enough to the road that we could hear a car coming—it was a gravel road."

Kelly: So you wouldn’t be surprised? (laughs)

"Yeah, right! (laughs) We used to go down there and wade with Shirley’s grandmother sometimes. I remember one time we were wading along, and all of a sudden she reached down in the water between her legs and came up with a big ol’ frog! We had an awful lot of fun down there. We were like sisters, really, when we were growing up."

Hope you liked this. More to come.

Gray hairs galore.

2009-10-19T18:24:00.000-07:00

If it keeps up like this, by my 25th birthday I'm going to look like Bea Arthur.

But wait... why WOULDN'T I want to look like Bea Arthur? She was a silver fox!!!

On a lighter note.

2009-10-18T10:48:00.000-07:00

Since parts of the last entry were a bit Debbie-Downer-ish, I will now post a video that always puts me in a better mood when I'm down. If you read the Dooce blog, you have probably seen it before. I find it extremely entertaining and I consider it to be the ultimate definition of JOY.

Nothing... NOTHING... is better than ridiculous dance moves from children in their pajamas.

So She Thinks She Can Dance from dooce on Vimeo.

Reality check.

2009-10-18T09:26:00.000-07:00

Rough day on Friday. Certain things happened which reminded me that I do, in fact, teach in a rough area of the city. One was the fact that there was a shooting in the neighborhood across from the school.

There were also a couple incidents where students came to me with some personal information about their lives, situations that would have been very unlikely to occur at the school I went to when I was their age.

There was also a brawl on the third floor.

Reality check, for sure.

To top off the hell-of-a-day, I also had a student whose mother was killed in a fatal car accident the night before. She came in to talk to some of her teachers and turn some of her work in. This is a student who now comes in and eats lunch in my room every day, and to see her in that state was pretty upsetting.

I guess you can say I was a bit down.

I love where I teach, though. After the word spread about this student's death-in-the-family, a number of staff gave some money to me for a flower fund, so we could send the family some sympathy flowers. Students around the school also wanted to do something, and I think there are several plans taking place to help and comfort the student during this time of loss.

Of the two students who came to me about some tough situations they were experiencing, one is very active in the student council in our school and the other was asking me to also look over a poem for a poetry contest he was interested in. It was great to see that they weren't letting their obstacles keep them from being active participants in the school.

Also, this year especially, I feel like there is a pretty positive aura being given off in the building. I don't know if it's from the change in staff, the improved structure and organization, the growth in school pride, or the fact that it just overall feels more like a community. Whatever it is, I'm glad I stayed.

Last year was very difficult for me. I was a naive, first-year teacher flying in from the outskirts of suburbia to come in and bond with, inspire, and educate students with very different lives from my own. I was given a pretty heavy schedule for my first year of teaching, and also was put with a tough group of middle schoolers who DEFINITELY made me feel new to the building. At one point last year, some tables crashed to the floor in the middle of a lesson because students were slowly removing the bolts from them as I spoke. I also had some expletives written on my door in permanent marker. One day, I also had a student run around the class while jumping on top of tables and leaping over chairs as if the room was an obstacle course personally set up for his entertainment.

Halfway through the year, I wasn't sure if I could do it anymore.

But I'm back, and better, and a little more prepared for the surprises that may pop up on a daily basis. The students who acted like they couldn't stand me last year are now the ones who say hello in the hallway and stop in my room during passing period for no specific reason. I'm in a much better mental state, and I've been able to invest some of my time into some school-wide projects that have caught some student interest. I also have a great schedule this year. I can invest all of my teaching energy into my one 8th grade Language Arts class, and the rest of my time is spent as the Learning Center Coordinator. We get 100+ tutors from the surrounding community, and I get to match up and create one-on-one tutoring situations, and see to it that the students seeking help are getting it, and getting it in a productive way.

I know in my "Blaaaaah" entry that I sound exhausted, and yes, sometimes I am. But it is a different state of exhaustion than it was last year. Last year it was a coming-home-and-falling-on-the-couch-and-sobbing sort of exhaustion, and this year it is just the coming-home-and-sighing type of exhaustion. MUCH better.

So, while I definitely have days like I did Friday, it is hard to stay down in the dumps for too long because there is just so much positive I can find throughout the school. As I said ealier, I'm glad I stayed.

Adorable.

2009-10-14T21:07:00.001-07:00

Isn't this house adorable? It's on the east side of Indianapolis. I keep looking at pictures of it in my spare time. I want it. It's still on the market.

Blaaaaaah.

2009-10-13T19:27:00.001-07:00

Yes, that's how I feel. Blaaaaaah. I'm not sick, I'm not necessarily depressed, I'm just blaaaaaah. I think it's because of the change in the weather.

It is fall, and I like fall. But after fall comes winter, and during winter we all get to wake up when it is still dark outside. The sun isn't around as much, which leads me to one word: BRRR! Every year I try to prove mother nature wrong by refusing to wear a jacket or coat for as long as possible, just to convince her I'm not susceptible to her ways. Unfortunately, she always wins.

So, maybe that's why I'm Blaaaaaah. Or maybe it is that every year I always take on way too much, and then near the end of the first semester it all slaps me in the face, saying, "What were you thinking?!?!" I'm so busy now that I can't even take a proper lunch break. Today a student was running to the media center to print some research, and she volunteered to heat up my lunch in the microwave while she was in there. That's a sign that I need to get out more.

My teacher friends barely see me in the hallway anymore, and they ask me where I've been. I need to start giving my room a name. Any suggestions? The cave? The black hole? The vacuum?

It's not that I don't like what I do. It's that I have a problem deciding to just dedicate myself to ONE thing. Instead, I want to be Supergirl and be able to do EVERYTHING I'm interested in and still see super successful results in every task I take on. It's silly. I'm NOT Supergirl. I'm Kelly.

I went to a career guidance company near the end of last year because I was completely lost and confused about where my life was going. I was only 23 and I was already having a life crisis. Take life a bit too seriously, Kelly?! The first thing the guy said when he was coming to talk to me about his findings was:

"You are way too self-critical, and you will always be that way. It's in your nature."

He basically told me that whenever I do anything, I want it to always turn out exactly the way I want it to turn out. If it doesn't, I'm not satisfied. But I'll NEVER be satisfied, because that's not how life works! I think I'm still partially in denial about this fact, because maybe that's why I take on so much at once. Maybe I think that if I dive into lots of projects at once, the "inadequate" results I see will compensate for one another and become one fabulous big accomplishment.

That doesn't even make sense. How do I come up with this crap?

Anyhoo, I think this overworking is affecting me because now I'm coming home and totally zoning out into either a state of eating, a state of watching a show on my computer, or both. Then I get tired from all that exhausting laziness, and then I don't have the energy to get caught up in all the stuff I'm trying to do (Yes, if you sit or sleep for a long time, it can actually make you more sleepy or tired. Sad, isn't it?).

Basically, I think the problem comes down to one word: CONFIDENCE. One of my friends said to me this week, "Kelly, you just need to be more confident. Stop beating yourself up."

I'll try, but I'm so used to the bruises.

Sneak preview.

2009-10-11T18:30:00.000-07:00

Today was my first paid photography job, and it's crazy how much of a natural high I get from that click-click sound of the camera. I really can see myself doing this for a long time. Let's hope it builds up to something.

Here are a few pictures I took today. Ashley and Sam, here's a little preview!

It's business time.

2009-10-11T08:15:00.001-07:00

My good friend Justin is making me a photography website. This is really happening! Stay tuned for a new and improved blog and photography site.

Life is grood. I mean good. I mean great and good.

Great craic.

2009-10-10T18:17:00.000-07:00

If any of you are interested in reading an older blog of mine, I kept one when I was a student-teacher in Ireland. I was naive, and in love with the idea of being across the ocean. Check it out if you wish: craictimes.livejournal.com. It's great craic, I must say.

Picture this.

2009-10-10T14:22:00.001-07:00

So, amongst all the other things I've been putting on my plate, I'm also trying to start a side career in photography. I'm very excited, though! My first gig is tomorrow. I'm taking engagement photos for a friend of a friend, and actually getting PAID to take pictures. Who ever thought that making money could be so much fun?!

I've always loved taking pictures, and just this past year I invested in getting myself a new fancy-shmancy camera: the Canon Rebel XSi. I am so happy I made the purchase. It was between a camera and a bike, and since at the time I was living in an apartment without even a sidewalk or trail to venture out on, the camera won.

Now, because the camera takes high quality photos, anyone can take nice pictures on it. I still believe, however, that good photographers are successful because they have the eye. Good photographers shouldn't have to go back and crop their photos...the framing should be set in the moment, catching the patterns, light, and action as-is. I'm so picky about this, and so it is always hard for me to hand my camera over to someone else to take a picture. Whenever I get the camera back, I look through what they've taken and I want to say "NO! You cut off their feet! They look stumpy!" or "NO! You left way too much negative space over their heads!" or "NO! You didn't press the shutter halfway down to focus the subject!" or "NO! The lighting is all wrong!"

Okay, so I'm a little neurotic. If you've been reading this blog, that's probably old news. But my point is that I've noticed I do have some sort of eye for this, simply because I can tell when others don't. Does that make me snooty? No. I am not good at math. Others are. THERE. If you don't want to listen to me, listen to Annie Leibovitz. She's my hero.

So wish me luck. I'm going to ask them to sign a document that will allow me to use their pictures for professional reasons. I'll try to get some of them up on this site when I can. My goal is to soon have a photography section on this site so I can reveal my favorites. I'm also in the process of getting a blog makeover. Whoopee! Everything's coming up Milhouse.

While I await the blog makeover transition, I'll post a few of my past photographs below. Enjoy.

Joseph "No Pants" Pilates.

2009-09-25T17:38:00.000-07:00

Lovely picture, eh? That's Joseph Pilates, the dude that started the whole "Pilates" exercise phenomenon. In this picture, he's doing what I like to call the "Flying V" or the 'Total Exposure." I'm not sure why he's doing it in a diaper and booties, but he was the one in charge so I guess no one questioned it.

Pilates has evolved into many forms over the past few decades, but all forms of it concentrate on Joseph's six core principles: Control, Concentration, Precision, Centering, Breathing, and Flow of Movement.

I'd like to add one: TOLERANCE OF PAIN!

I finally got around to ordering some Pilates DVDs, and my god, I think my thighs were on fire for two days after one of the sessions. The people in the video look all happy and at peace, and I'm in my living room, dripping sweat, shaking, and probably worrying the neighbors with the animalistic moans that emanate when I have to hold my muscles in one place for that long. The video people say, "There you go! You can do it! Just a little bit longer!" and I am yelling at them, expecting them to understand that after years of sitting and eating, it isn't exactly EASY for me to hold my leg up in the air at a 45 degree angle while pulling in my core and balancing my breathing!

However, the man in the Depends must have known what he was talking about. I've only done the exercises a few times and I already feel a bit more toned, a bit taller, and a bit thinner. Yes, walking up and down the stairs hurts for a few days... but beauty is pain, is it not?

So I'm going to do my best to stick with it. I know I'll have relapses back into my lazy way of life, like I have had with my whole goal of "organic eating" and "experiencing simplicity." Yes, I do try to eat in stillness still, and I do try to buy mostly organic, but what about those times when I'm reaaaaally craving that squishy fake velveeta noodle mixture, and when I've found True Blood episodes free online?! How can I resist?! It's the devil, I tell you, the devil!

I have stuck with the vegetarian way of life, however. Technically I guess I'm more "pescetarian" because I still eat seafood occasionally, but I'm not even really tempted to eat that anymore either. I cooked some shrimp the other night, and afterward I just felt weird (that may just have something to do with my cooking skills, though). The one thing I would struggle giving up if I became full vegetarian is SUSHI. I love it. There is nothing like it, and nothing else can complete a craving for it. Spicy crab... mmm mmm.

To end this blog, I'll show you a simple 15-step video on the proper way to eat sushi. Only 15 steps!!! So easy! Billy Mays could do it! I also never knew Jesus loved sushi so much (he's in the video, I swear).

Learning to say no.

2009-09-13T08:34:00.000-07:00

I need to learn to say no sometimes. It's only the first semester of the school year and I'm already up to my neck in responsibilities that I decided to put on myself... because I never said NO to any of them!

My responsibilities this year at school:
1. Teach an 8th grade Honors Language Arts class.
2. Schedule any students in the building that need tutors to the 100+ people we have available to tutor.
3. Facilitate GQE testing.
4. Assist a Graduation Coach in developing small sessions with her list of students she is trying to keep on track for graduation.
3. Run a drama club twice a week after school.
4. Run a poetry club twice a week after school.
5. Get an "Invisible Children" movement started at our school, including the overseeing of a November visit from the I.C. roadies.
6. Possibly set up regular visits to a former student now at School 46. He's having immense trouble and has massive family issues, but he came to my class the most last year (of the times that he actually went to class) so I may be able to help him.
7. Do my best to volunteer at school sports games when I have the chance, and attend them when I have the chance (kids need to see their teachers at games).
8. Participate in a curriculum project that supports small group work within the classroom (plan, implement, reflect).
9. Apply for computer donations to our school, in particular, to the Learning Center. Meet with the reps of the donation company and keep in contact throughout the process.
10. Try not to go crazy.

Really, the beginning of the school year wasn't too bad. Now that we are having orientations for the tutors, the work is starting to pile up. Why do I choose to take so much on?! Because I CAN'T SAY NO. Also, I think I get a messed up rush from having too much on my plate.

However, thanks to a better schedule and the benefit of happy-pills, I am in a much better mental state than I was last year. I know I can get all this done, but I'm so hard on myself about getting all done in TOP QUALITY fashion without making a mistake. Which is impossible.

So, I either need to learn to say NO, or learn to not be so hard on myself when things arent perfect. I'm going to work on both.

Wish me luck. AAAH!