Joseph "No Pants" Pilates.

Lovely picture, eh? That's Joseph Pilates, the dude that started the whole "Pilates" exercise phenomenon. In this picture, he's doing what I like to call the "Flying V" or the 'Total Exposure." I'm not sure why he's doing it in a diaper and booties, but he was the one in charge so I guess no one questioned it.

Pilates has evolved into many forms over the past few decades, but all forms of it concentrate on Joseph's six core principles: Control, Concentration, Precision, Centering, Breathing, and Flow of Movement.

I'd like to add one: TOLERANCE OF PAIN!

I finally got around to ordering some Pilates DVDs, and my god, I think my thighs were on fire for two days after one of the sessions. The people in the video look all happy and at peace, and I'm in my living room, dripping sweat, shaking, and probably worrying the neighbors with the animalistic moans that emanate when I have to hold my muscles in one place for that long. The video people say, "There you go! You can do it! Just a little bit longer!" and I am yelling at them, expecting them to understand that after years of sitting and eating, it isn't exactly EASY for me to hold my leg up in the air at a 45 degree angle while pulling in my core and balancing my breathing!

However, the man in the Depends must have known what he was talking about. I've only done the exercises a few times and I already feel a bit more toned, a bit taller, and a bit thinner. Yes, walking up and down the stairs hurts for a few days... but beauty is pain, is it not?

So I'm going to do my best to stick with it. I know I'll have relapses back into my lazy way of life, like I have had with my whole goal of "organic eating" and "experiencing simplicity." Yes, I do try to eat in stillness still, and I do try to buy mostly organic, but what about those times when I'm reaaaaally craving that squishy fake velveeta noodle mixture, and when I've found True Blood episodes free online?! How can I resist?! It's the devil, I tell you, the devil!

I have stuck with the vegetarian way of life, however. Technically I guess I'm more "pescetarian" because I still eat seafood occasionally, but I'm not even really tempted to eat that anymore either. I cooked some shrimp the other night, and afterward I just felt weird (that may just have something to do with my cooking skills, though). The one thing I would struggle giving up if I became full vegetarian is SUSHI. I love it. There is nothing like it, and nothing else can complete a craving for it. Spicy crab... mmm mmm.

To end this blog, I'll show you a simple 15-step video on the proper way to eat sushi. Only 15 steps!!! So easy! Billy Mays could do it! I also never knew Jesus loved sushi so much (he's in the video, I swear).